My abusive ex is controlling me through my kids. He knows that’s my weak spot because I would do anything for my kids. It’s a power play.
He only takes the kids to spite me. He was uninvolved in their lives from the second they were born until the day he walked out the door. But, as soon as he left he decided he wanted to be a parent. Well, he wanted to portray the image of being a parent. He wanted the kids because I wanted the kids and he could never stand to give me what I wanted.
When he has them, they don’t eat lunch, they don’t sleep well, he emotionally abuses them. He leaves them with complete strangers so he doesn’t have to “deal” with them. He has told my 6-year old daughter that she is fat and ugly. He allows his girlfriend to call her a fucking liar (she’s not a liar). My 2-year old son has been strapped in his highchair for hours in time-out, not because he was bad, but because he was acting like a normal 2-year old boy.
It sickens me.
I know the emotional abuse that he is capable of and now I am required, by a court order, to send my children into this nightmare.
How to you explain that to your children? What do you say when they are begging you not to send them? When they tell you daddy is a bad person? How do you respond when they ask you to make it stop, make it better and you can’t?
I have escaped but I feel like my children suffer in my place. I am their Mommy. Mommy makes things right.
I have a contempt of court hearing at the end of October. He has been violating the custody arrangement for quite some time. I am terrified of this court date. I have witnesses who are going to testify about what they have seen. I hired a Private Investigator who has documentation and videos that show him willfully breaking the court order. But, what if! What if I don’t win? What if he still gets custody? How do I explain this to my children?
I have tried everything in my power to help them but it seems like everything I do makes things worse. The more I fight for them the worse he gets. I have even tried getting them counseling but state law requires BOTH parents to consent to counseling.
How is that right? It seems crazy to me. My children are being emotionally abused but I need the abuser’s signature to get them help. That, to me, is equivalent to asking someone who is physically or sexually abusing someone to give them consent to get help. No abuser is going to admit to abuse.
It angers me that the court isn’t acknowledging the long-term affects of emotional abuse. I may not have been beaten, my children may not have bruises but, we are hurting. Emotional scars don’t ever completely heal. I know that my children will suffer from what they are experiencing now and I can’t do anything.
We have so much love and support from family and friends but I still feel alone. No one can help me.
I just want to fix it and I can’t.