Almost 19 million US adults suffer from depression. This is his story.

I was once a hopeless romantic; now I’m just hopeless. I grew up in southern California; my parents were Christians and father was the extremist. He was very controlling; the leather belt was there to affirm that control.

I stayed away from alcohol and drugs until the military. I was married in the military; she cheated on me while I was deployed in Kuwait. I didn’t find out until I got home. I left her, left the army. My life did not rebound.

I tried art school, but let it go after two semesters.

I tried to raise a family, but knew something was wrong with me. I just did not know what.

I tried to raise another family, but still faced the same problems and knew I was to blame.

Socially inept, no self-confidence, distrustful, low self-esteem:  I’ve been through some serious shit that just destroyed my character and who I thought I was. I could never keep a job longer than a few months. After that relationship fell apart and she left with our daughter, my life went further downhill: I became homeless and directionless.

I carry a heavy feeling of worthlessness. I've recently moved back in with my parents at the age of 33 with absolutely nothing. I am the opposite of a hoarder - I cannot keep a damned thing in my life.

I stumbled across this site; read up on mental illnesses. Some describe accurately what I think I suffer with; not sure though. The above is just an abbreviated version of the shit-pile I call my life.

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