Trauma Resources

by Band Back Together | Aug 1, 2018

What Is Trauma?

Trauma is any injury, physically or emotionally inflicted upon a person. Trauma has both a medical and a psychiatric definition. For the purposes of this site, we will focus primarily upon psychological trauma and its effects.

Emotional, or Psychological, Trauma is an intense, emotional reaction to a traumatic or severe situation. Trauma may be caused by stressful events such as natural disasters, incidences of abuse, assault, or death. Trauma can also be caused by more minor events, like a car accident or sports injuries.

A traumatic event involves a single event, or a repeating pattern of events that completely overwhelm an individual’s ability to cope or integrate the emotions involved in that experience. That feeling of being overwhelmed can last days, weeks, even years as the person struggles to cope.

Trauma can be caused by a number of events, but there are a few common aspects. There’s often a violation of the person’s familiar ideas about the world and of their rights, which puts the person into a state of extreme confusion and insecurity.

Psychological trauma may be accompanied by physical trauma or exist independently.

Trauma, while often involving a threat to life or safety, can also involve any situation that leaves you feeling stressed or alone, even if it didn’t involve physical harm. It’s not the objective facts that determine if an event is traumatic, but the subjective emotional experience of the event. The more frightened and helpless you felt at the time, the more likely that you will feel traumatized afterwards.

A traumatic event or situation creates psychological trauma when it overwhelms the individual’s ability to cope, and leaves that person fearing death, annihilation, mutilation, or psychosis. The individual may feel emotionally, cognitively, and physically overwhelmed. The circumstances of the event commonly include abuse of power, betrayal of trust, entrapment, helplessness, pain, confusion, and/or loss.

This definition of trauma is fairly broad. It includes responses to powerful one-time incidents like accidents, natural disasters, crimes, surgeries, deaths, and other violent events. It also includes responses to chronic or repetitive experiences such as child abuse, neglect, combat, urban violence, concentration camps, battering relationships, and enduring deprivation. This definition intentionally does not allow us to determine whether a particular event is traumatic; that is up to each survivor. This definition provides a guideline for our understanding of a survivor’s experience of the events and conditions of his/her life.

There are two components to a traumatic experience: the objective and the subjective:

It’s is the subjective experience of the objective events that constitutes the trauma. The more you believe you are endangered, the more traumatized you will be. Psychologically, the bottom line of trauma is overwhelming emotion and a feeling of utter helplessness. There may or may not be bodily injury, but psychological trauma is coupled with physiological upheaval that plays a leading role in the long-range effects.

In other words, trauma is defined by the experience of the survivor. Two people could undergo the same noxious event and one person might be traumatized while the other person remained relatively unscathed. It is not possible to make blanket generalizations such that “X is traumatic for all who go through it” or “event Y was not traumatic because no one was physically injured.” In addition, the specific aspects of an event that are traumatic will be different from one individual to the next. You cannot assume that the details or meaning of an event, such as a violent assault or rape, that are most distressing for one person will be same for another person.

Trauma comes in many forms, and there are vast differences among people who experience trauma. But the similarities and patterns of response cut across the variety of stressors and victims, so it is very useful to think broadly about trauma.

A stressful event may be traumatic if any or all of these apply:

Psychological effects are likely to be most severe if the trauma is:

• Human-caused
• Repeated
• Unpredictable
• Multifaceted
• Sadistic
• Undergone in childhood
• And perpetrated by a caregiver
• It was unexpected.
• You felt powerless to prevent it
• You were unprepared
• You had an intense emotional reaction
• You are unable to have emotions about the situation

What is the Difference Between Emotional Trauma and Stress?

Trauma is stress run amuck. Stress deregulates our nervous systems – but for only a relatively short period of time. Within a few days or weeks, our nervous systems calm down and we revert to a normal state of equilibrium. This return to normalcy is not the case when we have been traumatized. One way to tell the difference between stress and emotional trauma is by looking at the outcome – how much residual effect an upsetting event is having on our lives, relationships, and overall functioning. Traumatic distress can be distinguished from routine stress by assessing the following:

• how quickly upset is triggered
• how frequently upset is triggered
• how intensely threatening the source of upset is
• how long upset lasts
• how long it takes to calm down

If we can communicate our distress to people who care about us and can respond adequately, and if we return to a state of equilibrium following a stressful event, we are in the realm of stress. If we become frozen in a state of active emotional intensity, we are experiencing an emotional trauma – even though sometimes we may not be consciously aware of the level of distress we are experiencing

Situations That May Cause Psychological Trauma:

Single Blow vs. Repeated Trauma

Single shocking events can certainly produce trauma reactions in some people:

• Natural disasters such as earthquakes, hurricanes, floods, volcanoes, etc.
• Closely related are technological disasters such as auto and plane crashes, chemical spills, nuclear failures, etc. Technological disasters are more socially divisive because there is always energy given towards finding fault and blaming.
• Criminal violence often involves single blow traumas such as robbery, rape and homicide, which not only have a great impact on the victims, but also on witnesses, loved ones of victims, etc. (Interestingly, there is often overlap between single blow and repeated trauma, because a substantial majority of victimized women have experienced more than one crime.)
• Unfortunately, traumatic effects are often cumulative.

There are many situations that have the potential to cause psychological trauma (although not every person exposed to the same stressors will develop a traumatic reaction). Here are a few of the known situations that can cause psychological trauma:

• Sexual Abuse
• Domestic Violence
• Indoctrination
• Children of Alcoholics (and addicts)
• Long-term exposure to verbal abuse
• Car Accidents
• Natural disasters
• Humiliating experiences
• Fall or sports injury
• Sudden, unexpected death of someone close
• Diagnosis of life-threatening illness or disabling condition

What Are The Types of Trauma?

Natural Trauma vs. Human-Made Trauma

Prolonged stressors, deliberately inflicted by people, are far harder to deal with than accidents or natural disasters. Most people who seek mental health treatment for trauma have been victims of violently inflicted wounds dealt by a person. If this was done deliberately, in the context of an ongoing relationship, the problems are increased. The worst situation is when the injury is caused deliberately in a relationship with a person on whom the victim is dependent – most specifically a parent-child relationship.

Types of Man-Made Violence

• War/political violence – Massive in scale, severe, repeated, prolonged, and unpredictable. Also multiple: witnessing, life threatening, but also doing violence to others. Embracing the identity of a killer.
• Human rights abuses – kidnapping, torture, etc.
• Criminal violence – discussed above.
• Rape – The largest group of people with post-traumatic stress disorder in this country. A national survey of 4000 women found that 1 in 8 reported being the victim of a forcible rape. Nearly half had been raped more than once. Nearly 1/3 was younger than 11 and over 60% were under 18. Women with a history of incest were at significantly higher risk for rape in later life (68% incest history, 38% no incest).
• Domestic Violence – recent studies show that between 21% and 34% of women will be assaulted by an intimate male partner. 20-30% of adults in the US, approved of hitting a spouse.
• Child Abuse – the scope of childhood trauma is staggering. Everyday children are beaten, burned, slapped, whipped, thrown, shaken, kicked, and raped. According to Dr. Bruce Perry, a conservative estimate of children at risk for PTSD exceeds 15 million.
• Sexual abuse – 40% of all psychiatric inpatients have histories of sexual abuse in childhood. Sexual abuse doesn’t occur in a vacuum: is most often accompanied by other forms of stress and trauma-generally within a family.

We must be careful about generalizations about child sexual abuse: research shows that about 1/3 of sexually abused children have no symptoms, and a large proportion that do become symptomatic, are able to recover. Fewer than 1/5 of adults who were abused in childhood show serious psychological disturbance

More disturbance is associated with more severe abuse: longer duration, forced penetration, helplessness, fear of injury or death, perpetration by a close relative or caregiver, coupled with lack of support or negative consequences from disclosure.

• Physical abuse often results in violence toward others, abuse of one’s own children, substance abuse, self-injurious behavior, suicide attempts, and a variety of emotional problems.
• Emotional/verbal abuse
• Witnessing. Seeing anyone beaten is stressful; the greater your attachment to the victim, the greater the stress. Especially painful is watching violence directed towards a caregiver, leaving the child to fear losing the primary source of security in the family.
• Sadistic abuse – we generally think about interpersonal violence as an eruption of passions, but the severest forms are those inflicted deliberately. Calculated cruelty can be far more terrifying than impulsive violence. Coercive control is used in settings like concentration camps, prostitution and pornography rings, and in some families.

One of the best-documented research findings in the field of trauma is the DOSE-RESPONSE relationship –the higher the dose of trauma, the more potentially damaging the effects; the greater the stressor, the more likely the development of PTSD.

The most challenging clients are those who have experienced repeated intentional violence, abuse, and neglect from childhood onward. These clients have experienced tremendous loss, the absence of control, violations of safety, and betrayal of trust. The resulting emotions are overwhelming: grief, terror, horror, rage, and anguish.

Their whole experience of identity and of the world is based upon expectations of harm and abuse. When betrayal and damage is done by a loved one who says that what he or she is doing is good and is for the child’s good, the seeds of lifelong mistrust and fear are planted. Thus, the survivor of repetitive childhood abuse and neglect expects to be harmed in any helping relationship and may interact with us as though we have already harmed him or her.

Why Do Traumatic Responses Occur In Some People And Not Others?

Not all traumatic events lead to lasting emotional and psychological damage. Certain people rebound quickly from the most devastating of experiences, while others may be devastated by experiences that may seem superficially less upsetting.

Anyone can become traumatized – even those who work with trauma victims can develop symptoms of vicarious or secondary traumatization. Symptoms, no matter the precipitating event, should always be taken seriously and steps should be taken to heal from the trauma. Like other physical illnesses, the amount of time it takes to heal can vary wildly from one person to the next.

There’s no clear-cut answer to why some traumatic events elicit emotional trauma for some, but there are likely contributing factors. A number of risk factors make people more susceptible to emotional psychological trauma. These are some of the contributing factors to developing lasting emotional and psychological damage:

• Heavy stress
• Prior losses, especially in childhood
• Those who have recently experienced a number of losses
• Poor coping skills
• Substance abuse
• Extreme conditions
• Total devastation
• Abuse

Symptoms of Emotional and Psychological Trauma:

Following a traumatic event – or repeated trauma – people react in many different ways, experiencing a wide array of physical and emotional reactions. It’s important to remember that there’s not a “right” or “wrong” way to respond to trauma, so don’t judge your reactions against those of others. Your responses are normal reactions to abnormal events.

Symptoms and feelings following a trauma can last a few days to a few months and will gradually fade as the trauma is processed. Certain sights, sounds, images or situations may always remind you of the trauma.

After a traumatic event, a person may go through a number of emotions. Typical symptoms are broken down into categories.

Emotional and Psychological Symptoms of Trauma:

• Shock
• Anger
• Denial or disbelief
• Emotional Numbness
• Social Isolation
• Guilt
• Shame
• Sadness
• Difficulties in concentration and/or memory problems
• Anxiety, edginess, or hyper-vigilance

Physical Symptoms of Trauma:

• Racing heartbeat
• Numbness, withdrawing from people
• Insomnia or nightmares
• Muscle aches and pains
• Sexual difficulties
• Fatigue
• Muscle tension

Problems Associated with Trauma

In addition to the initial trauma, symptoms do not always go away easily. It is not uncommon for someone to have recurring issues after trauma. These recurring issues, if not managed well, can cause additional trauma.

• Re-experiencing of events through flashbacks, intrusive thoughts, and floods of emotion; these symptoms are often quite disruptive to everyday life.
• Mood Disorders
• Anxiety Disorders
• Depressive Disorders
• Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder
• Substance Abuse
• Eating Disorders
• Attachment Disorders
• Sleep Disorders

What Happens When Trauma Is Repeated and Sustained?

Repeated traumatic events can result in what is known as Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (it may also be called Disorders of Extreme Stress Not Otherwise Specified or DES-NOS).  Due to the difficulty in finding control groups to study those who have suffered multiple traumas and because most of those who suffer from Complex PTSD also qualify for diagnosis of PTSD, it has not been added to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (the DSM).  Information can be difficult to come by for this issue but even so, it is recognized by many medical professionals/therapists as a disorder linked to repeated or long-term incidences of trauma.

Complex PTSD differs from the typical PTSD because repeated traumas can cause the individual to question their own self-concept and can alter adaptive abilities.  According to the National Center for PTSD, symptoms may include:

• Alterations in emotional regulation; may include persistent sadness, suicidal thoughts, explosive anger, or inhibited anger.
• Alterations in consciousness; includes forgetting traumatic events, reliving traumatic events, or having episodes in which one feels detached from one’s mental processes or body.
• Changes in self-perception; may include helplessness, shame, guilt, stigma, and a sense of being completely different from other human beings.
• Alterations in how the perpetrator is perceived. Examples include attributing total power to the perpetrator, becoming preoccupied with the relationship to the perpetrator, or preoccupied with revenge.
• Alterations in relations with others. Examples include isolation, distrust, or a repeated search for a rescuer.
• Changes in one’s system of meanings; may include a loss of sustaining faith or a sense of hopelessness and despair.

Treatment for Trauma Disorders

Medications are prescribed to manage symptoms, often while undergoing cognitive-behavioral therapy, in treatment of trauma.  Additionally, some trauma survivors may choose to undergo hypnotherapy.  Two very successful and commonly used therapies are described below.

Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing – EMDR treatment is growing in popularity.  It has been shown to be highly effective in a short period of time and is typically less intrusive and disruptive than more traditional therapies (i.e. exposure therapy).  EMDR involves trauma processing with the help of a therapist who uses a machine that emits a combination of vibrations and beeping noises to stimulate parts of the brain that have been affected by trauma.

Exposure Therapy – Exposure therapy is a more widely-used treatment for trauma that focuses on desensitizing the individual to traumatic events through repeated exposure to feared objects or retelling of traumatic incidences.  This process is guided by a trained psychotherapist in a safe, controlled environment.

How Do I Help Myself Heal From Trauma?

Healing from traumatic events is not something that will happen overnight. It takes months, even years, to work through all of the feelings associated with trauma. In addition to a therapy plan, these are some things you can do to help yourself heal from a trauma.

Give yourself time to adjust – it’s a difficult time in your life, so feel free to mourn your losses and be patient with yourself as you heal from your experiences.

Ask for help from people who love you and care about you – remember, though, that if those closest to you have experienced the same trauma, your support system may be weakened.

Talk about your experience – write for us, The Band. Keep a private journal. Talk to friends. Talk to a counselor. Just talk to others.

Participate in social activities, even if you don’t want to. You may find that doing things that “normal people” who have not experienced the trauma do may inspire you.

Join a local support group for trauma survivors in your area – finding people who understand your feelings and feel like you do is invaluable. It can help you learn, grow, and heal from your trauma. If you cannot locate a local support group, see if you can find an online support group to join.

Healthy behaviors to manage stress are key – eat well. Drink lots of water. Get enough sleep. Meditate. Make sure to exercise.

Volunteer – while helping others, volunteering can be a great way to challenge the feelings of helplessness brought about by the trauma and remind you of your strengths.

Reestablish (or establish new) routines to restore some feelings of normalcy into your life.

Break larger jobs into smaller, more manageable tasks to take pleasure from accomplishing even the smallest of things.

Find and do activities that make you feel better while occupying your mind. That way, you’re not dedicating all your time, energy and attention to the traumatic experience.

Allow yourself your feelings. Acknowledge them. Accept them. They are normal and must be accepted to heal.

Avoid major life decisions – moving across the country, changing jobs, buying a new car – without taking a time-out first to make sure this is a wise choice.

Avoid self-medication with drugs, alcohol or food. These can worsen symptoms and exacerbate feelings of depression, isolation, and anxiety.

Reduce stress. Meditate. Do yoga. Spend time with friends. Enjoy a hobby. Anything that brings you joy.

How To Help Someone Else Deal With Emotional Trauma:

It’s really hard to know how to help someone else who has suffered a traumatic, distressing experience. Your support, however, can be critical in their recovery. Here are some tips:

Be patient and understanding. There’s no time-frame on recovery from trauma and healing cannot be rushed.

Don’t judge. Remember that everyone’s reaction to a trauma is different.

Offer practical support (housework help, getting groceries) to help your loved one get back into a normal routine. While dealing with a trauma, normal routines often go by the wayside.

Don’t pressure your loved one into talking about it, but be there if they do want to talk. Some people who have been through traumatic experiences don’t want to talk about it, while others may want to rehash the event over and over. They are both normal reactions.

Help your loved one to socialize and relax. Encourage physical exercise, activities that allow them to de-stress, and hobbies they enjoy. Make time each week to spend time with your friend.

Don’t take it personally – some of the trauma symptoms can be hard for others to handle. When your loved one becomes angry, irritable, grouchy, distant or withdrawn, remember that this is a normal reaction to the trauma and not indicative of your relationship.

Additional Resources For Trauma:

David Baldwin’s Trauma Information Pages offers support for various traumas – psychological trauma, violent crime victims, veteran/combat trauma and many others.

The Survivor Manual provides a large collection of resources for those who have suffered from sexual trauma.

Page last audited 8/2018

Adoption Resources

by Band Back Together | Jul 28, 2018

What Is Adoption?

Adoption is a process in which a person assumes parenting for another, and, while doing so, permanently transfers all rights and responsibilities from the original parent or parents. Unlike guardianship, or other systems designed to care for the young, adoption is intended to be a permanent change in status that requires legal and/or religious sanction. Modern systems of adoption are often governed by many statutes and regulations.

Each year over 150,000 children are adopted in the United States. This number includes adoptions from foster care, relatives, private adoptions and international adoptions.

Children living in foster care are the largest population waiting to be adopted.

Of the 450,000 children in the system, over 125,000 are waiting for adoption. They’ll typically wait for over two years for a family to take them into their home. Many of these children will reach their 18th birthday without finding an adoptive family.

National Adoption Day and The Dave Thomas Foundation are committed to finding adoptive families for children, especially those who are in foster care. These organizations have wonderful communities for adoptive families, adoptees, and caregivers.

More than 15,000 of those adoptions each year are international adoptions, with most of those being from China, Ukraine, Russia, and Guatemala. Forty percent of the children adopted from other nations are under the age of one. China’s orphans are primarily girls while the other countries are equally dispersed.

How Do Adoptions Originate?

Adoptions may occur between family members or entirely unrelated individuals. Approximately half of the adoptions in the US are currently performed between related individuals, such as is the case with stepparent adoption, in which the new partner of a parent may legally adopt a child from a previous relationship. Intra-family adoption may also occur through child surrender, as the result of parental death, or when the child cannot otherwise be safely cared for.

Why Do People Adopt?

There are many reasons why people choose to adopt a child or children.

One of the primary reasons that people adopt a child is because they are infertile, or unable to carry a child of their own. It’s estimated that 11-24% of infertile Americans try to build a family through adoption.

There are a large number of reasons why people adopt, although not all are well documented. Some adopt children because they feel a conviction (religious or philosophical) to adopt, others want to begin a new family following divorce or death of one parent. Others adopt to avoid contributing to the perception of an over-crowded world or because they do not want to pass down genetic disorders like Tay-Sachs.

A recent study of women who choose to adopt suggest that these women are most likely to be between the ages of 40-44, married, have infertility issues, and are childless.

What Are The Types Of Adoptions?

Adoptions can occur between family members or unrelated individuals. Current data suggests that about half of the adoptions in the US are between related individuals. Unrelated adoptions can include the following types of adoption:

1) Private domestic adoptions – in a private domestic adoption, charities and for-profit organizations act as the middle man, bringing together prospective birth families and adoptive families. All parties must be of the same country. An alternative to a private domestic adoption occurs when the middle man is removed and birth families and adoptive families communicate directly, drafting contracts with a lawyer.

Private domestic adoptions account for a large percentage of all adoptions: in the US, almost 45% of all adoptions are estimated to have occurred via private adoption agencies and/or arrangements.

2) Foster Care Adoption: In this type of adoption, a child is initially placed in the foster care system, then placed for adoption. Children may enter the foster care system for a number of reasons, maltreatment and parental neglect are just a few of the reasons children end up in foster care. There are over 100,000 children in the US foster care system waiting to be adopted. Approximately 40% of all adoptions in the US are from the foster care system.

3) International Adoption: in international adoption, a child is placed up for adoption outside the child’s country of birth and can occur via public or private agencies. The laws in different countries vary in their willingness to allow international adoptions. Due to the amount of corruption and exploitation that occasionally accompanies international adoptions, there has been an effort to protect both the birth families and adoptive families from this abuse. In the US, less than 15% of adoptive families chose international adoption.

4) Embryo Adoption: the concept of embryo adoption is that remaining embryos from a couple’s IVF treatments are donated to another person or couple. These donated embryos are then placed inside the uterus of the adopted woman in order to facilitate pregnancy and childbirth. In the US, embryo adoption is governed by property law rather than the court systems.

5) Surrogacy: is an arrangement in which a woman carries and delivers a child for another couple or another person. The surrogate mother may be the child’s genetic mother (in the case of traditional surrogacy) or genetically unrelated to the child (in the case of gestational surrogacy).

What Are The Forms of Adoption?

Each type of adoption has its own set of requirements but in the end, the result is the same: a child being united with a family and a family is completed. Adoptions can take many forms: open adoptions, semi-open adoptions, and closed adoptions. These types of adoptions are discussed in further detail below:

Open Adoption:

Open adoption allows all information to be shared between the adoptive and biological parents. Open adoption can be a very informal arrangement that’s allowed to be terminated by the adoptive parents who have sole authority over the child. Other open adoptions are bound by a legally-enforceable, binding agreement which covers visitation rights, exchange of information, and other information about the adopted child.

Advantages for Open Adoption:

Those who experience an open adoption have their own unique experiences. These are some of the possible advantages of having an open adoption, including

Advantage of Open Adoption for Birth Parents:

• Feeling of control – the process in which a birth family can review, interview, and choose parents for your child can provide birth parents with a feeling of empowerment, control, and security.
• Lessened fear – when regular communication occurs between the adoptive family and the birth family, any concerns about the child’s well-being can be placed to rest.
• Relationship with the child – as an open adoption allows for more frequent interactions, there is a possibility of the development of a relationship with the child.
• Relationship with the adoptive family – because of the open lines of communication, there is an opportunity to develop a positive relationship between the adoptive and birth families.
• Lessened mourning – being able to speak with the child and his or her adoptive family helps the birth family to deal with the loss and grief of an adoption.
• Lessened uncertainty – most birth families feel comforted and reassured about their child’s well-being through regular interactions with the child’s adoptive family.
• Lessened guilt – since the lines of communication remain open and the relationship between families open, there’s less of a struggle with grief for birth parents.

Advantage of Open Adoption For Adoptive Parents:

• Reduction of fear – because there is on-going communication between the birth-family and the adoptive family, any concerns about the intentions of the birthmother can be eliminated.
• Relationship with the birth family – there’s an opportunity for the birth family and adoptive family to develop a healthy, positive relationship.
• Medical information – an open adoption allows for increased opportunities for more medical information if the need arises.
• Affirmation – an adoptive family may feel encouraged knowing that they were chosen specifically by the birth family.
• Understanding – an open adoption allows the child to understand more about his or her history so that the child can answer questions like, “who am I?” and “where did I come from?

Advantages of Open Adoption For Adopted Child:

• Understanding identity – open adoption does allow the adopted child to learn his or her family history, which can make it easier for adopted children to understand who, exactly, they are.
• No sense of abandonment – because the child can openly communicate with the birth family, the feelings of abandonment experienced by the child may be lessened.
• Medical information – as the child ages, he or she may need a more detailed medical history.
• Relationships – open adoption offers the adoptive child the potential of developing a relationship with his or her birth mother and extended family.
• Support network – as most birth families continue to be concerned about their adoptive child, the birth family can act as advocates and a support system for the child.

Disadvantages to Open Adoptions:

Open adoption occurs when potential birth parents and prospective adoptive families are able to have personal interaction. All identities are shared, and interaction may include emails, letters, telephone calls, and/or visits. Like all other forms of adoption, there are disadvantages to open adoption.

Disadvantages of Open Adoption For Birth Parents:

• Potential for disappointment – if the adoptive family fails to meet expectations when meeting with the birth family, this can lead to crushing disappointments.
• Feeling obligated – once an adoptive family has been financially involved or emotionally invested with a birth family, a birthmother may feel as though she must adopt her child to this family.
• Abused trust – the relationship with the adoptive family does allow the potential for abuse of trust, such as manipulation of situations.
• Changing minds – an adoptive family can choose to stop or terminate the adoption process at any time, which can lead to the child being placed in limbo, possibly foster care, until alternate arrangements have been made.

Disadvantages of Open Adoption for Adoptive Family

• Unstable relationships – an adoptive family may learn that their relationship with the birth family includes an unhealthy or emotionally unstable birth family member.
• Added support – an adoptive family may feel the pressure to be an emotional support system for the birth family.
• Added pressure – the birth family may want a greater amount of openness than the adoptive parents do, which may lead to the adoptive family to accept the demands of the birth family because they fear if they do not, they will not receive the baby.

Disadvantages of an Open Adoption for the Adopted Child:

• Feelings of rejection – if contact between the birth family and the adoptive family ceases, the child may feel intense rejection.
• Confusion – as the child grows, he or she may struggle with issues of identity from trying to make sense of the family history of two separate families.
• Social Anxiety – an adoptive child who has ongoing communication with his or her birth family may have trouble explaining the family dynamics to his or her peers.
• Power Plays – the adoptive child may attempt manipulation between the adoptive and birth families by playing them against one another.
• Reduction in ability to assimilate into the adoptive family – increased interaction with birth family may lead to challenges for the child in assimilating into the adoptive family.

Semi-Open Adoption:

A semi-open adoption is a process by which a potential birth mother (or birth families) exchange non-identifying information with the adopting family.

Generally speaking, semi-open adoptions are facilitated through a third party – an adoption agency or adoption attorney. The identity of all parties is typically kept confidential, the interaction between families is generally with emails and letters. Sometimes, emails or visits are arranged in a semi-open adoption.

Advantages of a Semi-Open Adoption:

Experiences with semi-open adoptions vary wildly and from person to person. However, some of the common advantages of a semi-open adoption are broken down below:

Advantages of Semi-Open Adoption for Birth Parents:

• Sense of privacy as all communication and interaction between birth parents and adoptive families are facilitated by a third party.
• Feeling in Control – birth parents can feel more in control as they have the chance to review, interview and select the adoptive parents for their child.
• Fewer Uncertainties – the interactions and updates given by the adoption agency can comfort birthmothers by reassuring them that the child is well cared for.
• Less Guilt – getting updates and letters from the adoptive family can help birthmothers feel less guilt for placing their child up for adoption.
• Lessened Mourning – placing a child up for adoption is a loss and must be grieved. Having regular updates about the child via letters and visits can help with the sense of loss experienced.
• Less Fear – with on-going communications between the birth family and adoptive family, birth parents often feel more secure about the well-being of the child.

Advantages of Semi-Open Adoption for Adoptive Parents:

• Medically informed – while a medical history of the birth parents is a normal part of the adoption process, a semi-open adoption allows for access to additional medical needs, if circumstances require it.
• Feeling Encouraged – Because the birthmother hand-picked the adoptive family, the adoptive family can feel reaffirmed and empowered.
• Less fear – when the intentions of the birthmother and her family are openly communicated to the adoptive parents, it helps to reduce the concerns and fears regarding the intentions of the birthmother.
• Clear Roles – having a semi-open adoption allows the roles of each party to be better managed and more clearly defined.
• Increased Confidence – While there is less communication between the birth family and the adoptive family, the adoptive family is still able to ask questions and address concerns about the child’s history.

Advantages of Semi-Open Adoption for The Adopted Child:

• Understanding self – in a semi-open adoption, adopted children who have access to their birth families allows them to gather more information about family history and help answer questions such as “who am I?” and “where did I come from?”
• No search required – there is no issue of the child needing to seek out his or her birth parents.
• Not Feeling Abandoned – because the child has access to his or her birth family, the child may feel less a sense of abandonment.
• Medical Information – while medical information is a standard part of an adoption, a semi-open adoption allows for the child to ask medical questions of the birth family throughout their life.

Closed Adoption:

A closed adoption is an adoption process in which there is no interaction between the birthmother and the prospective families. Once a standard procedure for adoption, all identifying information is sealed, preventing disclosure of the adoptive parents, biological kin, and adoptees identities. However, closed adoption does allow for the transmission of non-identifying information, like medical history, religious and/or ethnic background.

Advantages of A Closed Adoption:

Like any other form of adoption, the experiences of a closed adoption may vary wildly. Some of the advantages of a closed adoption may include:

Advantages of Closed Adoption For Birth Parents:

• Closure – some birth families report that a closed adoption allowed them the sense of closure to move on with their lives.
• Privacy – people who feel threatened or vulnerable by their decision to place a child up for adoption may benefit greatly from having a closed adoption.
• Reduction of fear – birthmothers who have concerns about explaining their decisions to others may find that a closed adoption offers them a way to avoid that conversation.

Advantages of Closed Adoption for Adoptive Parents:

Absence of boundaries – because the birth family has nothing to do with the adopted child, there’s no risk for complications that may arise from interference by the birth parent or co-parenting concerns.

Freedom – when the birth family is not involved with the child after the adoption, the adoptive parents are free to enjoy their family without the potential threat from outside intrusion.

Advantages of Closed Adoption For Adopted Children:

• Protection – closed adoption affords a layer of protection for adopted children who may have unstable or emotionally disturbed birth family members.
• Absence of boundaries – the adopted child is always sure who calls the shots, makes the rules, and abides by them, as there is no meddling or concerns from the birth family.

Disadvantages To A Closed Adoption:

Closed adoption occurs when there is no contact or interaction between birth families and prospective adoptive families. No identifying information shall be revealed, though non-identifying information, such as medical records, will be made available to all parties. There are a number of disadvantages to closed adoptions.

These disadvantages to closed adoptions are discussed in further detail below:

Disadvantages of Closed Adoption for Birth Parents:

• Delayed grieving – the grieving process of adopting a child can be complicated, as there is no information to be given about the child’s progress.
• Denial – placing a child in an adoptive family through closed adoption can lead to feelings of denial that the child was ever born and placed for adoption.
• Guilt – a closed adoption does not allow the birth family to explain the reasons that the child was placed for adoption, which can lead to feelings of extreme guilt.
• Lack of information – lack of information about the child can compound feelings of guilt and denial, leaving many birth families struggling with depression.
• Abandonment – many birthmothers report feeling as though they are abandoning their child, and the inability to communicate with her child can only heighten these feelings.

Disadvantages of Closed Adoption For Adoptive Parents:

• Denial – a closed adoption can increase feelings of denial about having an “adopted child,” or “fertility status.”
• Fear – adoptive families fear that the birthmother will return and demand the child back. This fear is a consequence of limited information about the birth family.
• Control – there is less personal control for the adoptive family who must rely upon the adoption agency to act as a go-between.
• Medical history – while most children who are adopted have a medical history, if medical issues arise later in life, it may be impossible to get more information about medical issues from the birth family.

Disadvantages for a Closed Adoption For The Adopted Child:

• Confusion – as the adopted child ages, he or she may struggle with personal identity as he or she has no contact with his or her birth family.
• Information – children involved in a closed adoption have limited information about their birth families and history. This lack of information can lead a void in an adopted child who has many unanswered questions about his or her heritage.
• Preoccupation – a child in a closed adoption may be preoccupied with his or her adoption than other children.

How Do I Begin An Adoption?

Deciding to pursue an adoption can feel overwhelming and scary; the process is long and involved. Here are some steps you’ll need to go through to begin an adoption:

1) Teach yourself and your family members about adoption, learn all that you can about the types of adoptions, the restrictions these adoptions require, and the approximate cost for each type of adoption. It may help to have a binder and notebook to write yourself notes and reminders.

2) Decide what type of adoption you want to pursue: domestic, international, foster care adoptions, and make a list of the adoption agencies that you’re interested in. Read reviews of the agencies, ask for references from friends, family, and coworkers, to find out which adoption agencies are legitimate and which are not.

3) Investigate ways to handle adoption expenses, which are substantial. These costs can include adoption agency feeds, legal fees, birthmother expenses, as well as home study expenses. The following are potential avenues to explore to off-set the costs of adoption:

• Employee Benefits – many employers offer adoption reimbursement, check with your Human Resources department to see if your company offers adoption reimbursement.
• Federal Tax Credit for adoption. Call 1-800-829-3676 and request information on the Adoption Tax Credit and Tax Exclusion from publication 968.
• State tax credit – contact an adoption specialist in your state to ascertain whether or not your state offers a tax credit for a child adopted from a public adoption agency.
• Military Benefits – many times, the US military will reimburse up to $2,000 per child for adoption costs.
• Dependency exemption – while not adoption-specific, adoptive parents do qualify for taking a dependency exemption on their income taxes, even if the adoption hasn’t been finalized.
• Adoption Loans – some banks, life insurance policies, and credit unions offer adoption loans.
• Private Grants – these grants are for families who are socioeconomically challenged or to encourage the adoption of special needs children. Call the National Adoption Foundation at (203) 791-3811 for more information

4) Once your research has been carefully completed, select an adoption agency or adoption facilitator and/or attorney. You’ll begin orientation with the adoption agency to discuss the adoption process. It’s recommended that you attend several orientations for different adoption agencies so that you get the sense of which agency is right for you.

5) Be ready to fill out oodles of paperwork, including an agency application form, along with various other forms that will be necessary for the adoption process to begin.

6) Once the adoption agency has reviewed and accepted your completed adoption application, you will undergo a home study. A home study is performed to evaluate the home environment and help the adoptive parents prepare for the arrival of their adopted child. The home study will include a visit from a social worker, educational classes with other adoptive families, a physical examination, fingerprints taken, and a background check performed. Average time for a completed home study is 2 months.

7) Begin to wait to be matched with a child. The waiting period depends upon a number of factors: it can take longer to adopt a Caucasian newborn (up to 5 years). Adopting another race may reduce the waiting period significantly. International adoptions may take longer than a year depending upon the requirements of the country.

8) Once you’ve been matched with a child and have decided to adopt this child, it’s time to file a petition to adopt.

9) After the birth parents have terminated their parental rights, and the child has been in the home for over six months, a social worker will submit a recommendation for approval. Then, a judge will finalize the adoption by awarding the adoptive parents the legal rights and responsibilities for their children. This final step will vary if an international adoption has taken place, as there are additional legal steps involved.

What Is Adoption Disruption?

Adoption disruption is a term that’s used when adoption is ended. Technically disruption occurs when the adoption has been abandoned by the adopting family before the adoption has been legally completed. In practice, however, adoption disruption can occur anytime an adoption is ended. Generally, the disruption of adoption requires a court petition.

Adoption disruption can occur for any number of reasons: psychological or emotional issues of the adopted child, unrealistic expectations of parenthood, or family issues among the adoptive families.

What Are Some Of The Challenges Of Adoption?

The process of adoption can be fraught with emotional upheaval and mountains of paperwork.

An adoption may be interrupted when there are changes in the law, expiration of paperwork in the case of a lengthy adoption process, or other unforeseen circumstances.  It is very beneficial for those going through the adoption process to seek social and emotional support for this reason.

Many families experience post-adoption challenges, as well. It is normal for adoptive parents and children to take time to bond and develop a family routine – this process can take longer for older children as they will be simultaneously dealing with loss from a previous living situation.

The decision of whether and how to discuss the adoption with family, friends, and the child can require much deliberation as well, especially as some families may experience insensitive comments from time to time.

Both birth parents and adoptive parents can experience depression after an adoption. In the case of a birthmother who has recently given birth, hormones coupled with the loss can trigger postpartum depression; the birth parents may have also developed an attachment to the child prior to the adoption and will grieve the loss of a child placed with an adoptive family.

Adoptive parents can find it difficult to cope with the sudden change in parenting status after an emotional adoption process and may suffer from Post-Adoption Depression Syndrome (PADS).

Additional Adoption Resources

How Long Does Adoption Take? – General information from The Adoption Guide.

Adopting.org offers an extensive site for all of those who have been touched by adoption.

American Adoptions – Resource site for those seeking information as adoptive parents or birth parents who are searching for an adoptive family.

Adoption Healing is a non-profit site for adoptive parents and adoptees seeking literature and support.

Open Adoption – Resource for those seeking an adoptive family.

United States Department of State Intercountry Adoption Site Government information site for those interested in adopting internationally.

Page last audited 7/2019

Rape/Sexual Assault Resources

by Band Back Together | Jul 19, 2018

IF YOU ARE IN IMMEDIATE DANGER CALL 911

If you have been sexually assaulted/raped and are in need of immediate assistance, call 1-800-656-HOPE.

National Sexual Assault Hotline: 1-800-656-4673

National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline: 1-866-331-9474

The National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233

What is Rape?

Rape/Sexual Assault is illegal sexual contact (usually involving force) done upon a person without consent.

Rape is also defined as sexual contact inflicted upon a person who is incapable of giving consent, due to either diminished physical or mental capacity.

The third definition of sexual assault is when the assailant is in a position of authority (such as a doctor or teacher) and uses that authority to force someone into sexual acts.

Rape/Sexual Assault are crimes of motive and opportunity and NOT the victim’s fault.

People who are raped suffer greatly. They feel victimized, isolated, “dirty” and guilty. It is in no way their fault what has happened to them. Assailants render their victims powerless. After such an attack, victims need to feel empowered to stand up for themselves, report the offense, and to seek help and safety so they can recover from their experience.

It takes a huge amount of courage to stand up, break the silence and report a sexual assault.

Please, know that you are not alone.

Help! I Was Just Raped!

Get yourself to a safe place. Immediate safety is what matters most of all.

Preserve all evidence of the attack. Do not bathe, wash your hands, brush your teeth, eat or smoke. If you’re still at the place the rape occurred, do not clean or straighten anything up. Write down all the details you can remember about the attack.

Whether or not you alert the authorities, for your own health, you must receive medical care.

While receiving medical care, you will be asked if specially trained nurses can perform a forensic examination. This exam is to collect any DNA or other evidence that can link your attacker to the crime. You do have the right to refuse this exam.

Know that what happened is NOT your fault.

Report the rape to the authorities.

Remember that recovering from rape takes a lot of time and patience.

Rape Statistics:

The numbers are staggering. According to RAINN

• 1 in 6 women and 1 in 33 men will be sexually assaulted in their lifetime

• Every 2 minutes, someone is sexually assaulted/raped in the United States

Taking Care of Yourself After a Rape:

Taking care of yourself after a sexual assault may be a really hard thing to do. You may not want to get out of bed, let alone take a shower, but it’s important that you take care of yourself, physically AND emotionally.

Make sure to get enough sleep, exercise, food, and medical care.

Get counseling if you feel it would help. Call 800-656-HOPE to find a center near you.

Write it out. Keep a journal or write about the assault here on Band Back Together. We’d be honored to have you with The Band.

Try meditation exercises to de-stress.

Make sure everyone in your life is supportive and loving. Keep nurturing relationships that make you feel good about yourself. Don’t isolate yourself – spend time with friends and family who love you.

Avoid friends or family who only call you when they need something. You don’t have to cut them off completely or anything like that, but these aren’t the relationships you need to foster at this time.

Make some time for fun. Whatever it is that you like to do (run, paint, write, hang with friends) make some time to enjoy your life again.

Types of Sexual Violence:

There are many different types of sexual assaults, according to RAINN.

Acquaintance Rape – coercive sexual activities that occur against a person’s will by means of force, violence, duress, or fear of bodily injury, perpetrated by someone with whom the victim is acquainted.

Child Sexual Abuse – may involve a family member (incest) or a non-family member and may involve sexually suggestive language, oral sex, prolonged kissing, vaginal or anal intercourse, prolonged groping, forcing a minor to watch pornography, sexual aggression.

Dating or Domestic Violence – is a pattern of behavior in any relationship used to gain or maintain power and control over an intimate partner.

Drug Facilitated Sexual Violence – sexual violence in which drugs or alcohol are used to compromise an individual’s ability to consent to sexual activity.

Incest – sexual contact between two people who are so closely related that marriage is illegal.

Male Sexual Assault – despite what society believes, men can be and are sexually assaulted and raped.

Military Sexual Trauma (MST) – a broad term used by the Veterans Administration (VA) to categorize ANY sexual misconduct, rape, sexual advance or sexual harassment within the military. Victims of MST are no different from victims of any other sexual assault. The same feelings of shame, guilt and anger are common in any trauma victim. The VA has specific resources for victims of MST, whether retired or current active duty military.

Multiple-Perpetrator Sexual Assault – Multiple-perpetrator sexual assault, sometimes called gang rape, occurs when two or more perpetrators act together to sexually assault the same victim.

Partner Rape – rape or sexual assault that occurs between two people who currently have – or have had – a consensual sexual relationship.

Prisoner Rape – If you’re an inmate, a former inmate, or know an inmate who survived sexual assault while in prison, there are resources available to you

Sexual Assault/Rape – anyone can be a rape victim – men, women, children, those who are straight or gay.

Sexual Assault As A Hate Crime – victimization of an individual based upon race, religion, national origin, ethnic identification, gender or sexual orientation.

Sexual Exploitation by Helping Professionals – sexual contact between any helping profession – doctors, lawyers, therapists, police officers, nurses, teachers, or priests.

Sexual Harassment – requests for sexual favors, unwelcome sexual advances or offensive remarks about a person’s gender or sex. This also includes creating a hostile work environment, such as through posting sexual pictures, leering, or physical contact.

Sexual Abuse by Medical Professionals – When you go to the doctor, dentist, hospital or physical therapist, or see other medical professionals, you trust them to treat you with respect as they care for your health.

Sexual Abuse of People with Disabilities – Consent is crucial when any person engages in sexual activity, but it plays an even bigger, and more complicated role when someone has a disability.

Stalking – a serious, frequently violent, life-threatening crime that can escalate over time

Aftereffects of Rape/Sexual Assault

There are many devastating aftereffects of rape that a rape victim has to deal with. These can range from mild to severe and are all normal reactions. Here are the most common reactions following a rape:

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder – many rape victims experience extreme feelings of stress, anxiety, and fear as a direct result of the attack.

Substance Abuse – many rape survivors turn to alcohol or other substances of abuse to try to relieve their emotional suffering.

Self-Injury – deliberate self-harm or self-injury may be used by rape victims as a way of coping with their emotional pain.

Depression – of all the emotional and psychological problems following an assault, depression is most common.

Sleep Disorders – many of those who have been attacked will experience sleep disturbances and problems.

Eating Disorders – those who have been sexually assaulted often use the control of food in an attempt to deal with negative emotions.

Suicide – some of those who have been sexually assaulted consider ending their own life as a response to the negative feelings about the assault.

Pregnancy – as a sexual assault may have involved bodily fluids, there is a possibility of pregnancy resulting from the attack.

Sexually Transmitted Infections – if the rape involved the exchange of bodily fluids, there is a chance for the transmission of sexually transmitted infections.

How To Protect Yourself From Being A Rape/Sexual Assault Victim:

Not all rapes can be prevented, but here are some tips for protecting yourself from becoming a sexual assault victim.

Protect Yourself Socially:

• Attend social gatherings and parties with a group of friends, check in with them throughout the night and leave with them.

• Keep an eye on your friends. Make sure they watch out for you.

• Don’t leave your drink unattended and don’t accept drinks from people you don’t know.

• Trust your instincts.

• Call 911 if you think a friend has been drugged.

Avoid Dangerous Situations:

• Know your surroundings and environment.

• Walk with purpose.

• Trust your instincts.

• Don’t load yourself down with heavy packages.

• Keep your cell phone on you.

• Avoid isolated areas.

• Take off your headphones.

How To Handle Being Pressured:

• Try to think of an escape route.

• Be true to yourself and don’t do anything you don’t want to do.

• Remember that it’s NOT your fault.

• Use excuses or lies to get away rather than stay and feel uncomfortable.

How Do I Keep My Child Safe?

• Discuss sexuality directly and openly.

• Teach your child the names of their body parts.

• Explain that some body parts are private.

• ALL children need to be taught that it’s NOT okay if someone’s touching them in an uncomfortable way.

• Be involved in your child’s activities, talk about current events with your child.

• Make sure your child knows they can talk to you if they have questions.

How Do I Support A Loved One Who Has Been Raped?

There are a number of ways to help a friend or loved one who has been the victim of sexual violence. It may be hard for you, the loved one, to handle your own emotions, so if you need help, do not hesitate to talk to a counselor yourself.

Here are some tips to support a loved one who has been sexually assaulted:

Listen to your loved one. Be there for them. Don’t be judgmental.

Be patient. It takes a long time to deal with and recover from a sexual assault.

Help empower your friend or loved one. Rape is a crime that takes away the power of the victim – it’s important not to put pressure on your loved one to do things he or she is not ready to do.

If your loved one is considering suicide, take extra care to love them and follow up with them.

Encourage your loved one to report the rape to law enforcement. If they do not wish to, respect their wishes.

Additional Rape Resources:

National Sexual Assault Hotline: 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)

National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline: 1-866-331-9474

The National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233

Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network (RAINN):  Provides information on how to get help for both victims and loved ones, links to local agencies and international resources, and on reporting sexual crimes to the police.

Joyful Heart Foundation: Created by Law and Order’s Mariska Hargitay for survivors of sexual abuse, domestic violence, and child abuse. The organization’s mission is to educate, empower and shed light onto these terrible crimes and help the survivors heal.

End the Backlog: A charity organization seeking justice for survivors by working in partnership with government, non-profits, advocates, and survivors to bring attention, funding and new legislation to reduce the backlog of untested rape kits across the country.

National Sexual Violence Resource Center: the nation’s primary information and resource center regarding all aspects of sexual violence.

It Happened to Alexa Foundation: provide funds for families to travel and be with a rape victim for the duration of the trial.

Post last audited 7/2019