by Band Back Together | Apr 7, 2016 | Bullying, Happiness, Munchausen Syndrome, Parenting, Trust |
My mother would often threaten me that she was going to get really sick and die if I didn’t obey her like a good child does. She would often say how horrible of a kid I was, and how my attitude was going to destroy my life in the future.
In front of people she would say how smart and creative I was, but how I would get on her wits and make her loose control.
Funny, how she had strength one day to beat me up and the next she was in bed complaining of how sick she was from who knows what. I spent most of my childhood ignoring her complaints about her health, her overly-frequent visits to doctors and how she would loudly and dramatically announce she had an annual breast exam the next day. She also spent a lot of time saying how unloving I was by not caring for her and giving her the attention and care she needed.
I refused to let her control me. I refused so hard, she made sure to cut out all my other outside-relationships and to leave me hopeless each time I reconstructed my life back together. How she would talk to me about my friends when I was little, claiming they stole things from me or where jealous of me. And how in the blink of an eye, I had no friends anymore. I still have problems trusting friends.
Finally for once in my life, I feel like I have control. Now that I moved a whole sea away from her and that I have cut phone calls, and only Skype every few months for an hour or so. And even still, I can’t stand her.
This last year has been so constructive to my life, I have done a complete twist in myself and feel so much different. I am happy, I have a stable life, and no one is there sabotaging it. She doesn’t have enough resources to try to.
I can’t imagine inviting her to stay over. Why would I want that? She brings it up on every call. I really wouldn’t want her here. I know her, she won’t behave herself.
by Band Back Together | Mar 25, 2016 | Bullying, Childhood Bullying, Teen Bullying |
4 years old, the boy,
Likes dinosaurs and legos
coloring things on white paper
he likes to draw butterflies and flowers
Tall, strong trees full of leaves
8 years old, the boy,
likes riding bikes and drawing;
Etching things on lined paper
Later he’ll use those lines for a story about
words
Tall, strong words full of meaning
12 years old, the boy,
likes drawing sunsets and waterfalls
The things he designs are “for girls”
He has to use his fists to defend himself
when he would rather use them to cradle a paintbrush
Like how his mom held him close
as he came home from school and yelled
“Mom! Michael didn’t hit me today!”
The other boys call him things
things that make him cry when he gets home
Tall, strong words full of meaning
14 years old, the boy,
Doesn’t really like anything anymore
He stays inside most of the time
and washes his hands frequently
because whenever the bullies had him on the ground
he noticed his hands were dusty; so he doesn’t like dust
He tries to be himself but that’s too hard now
No more words, half dead
Didn’t take art like he wanted to
Void of meaning
16 years old, the boy,
like music and poetry
and the solace of words
tall, strong beautiful words
He wants to be a musician someday
The other boys don’t like him, but that’s okay
Those times they pushed him around
Those times they made him cry
Later he’ll use those lines in his book he’s writing
He says he’s been growing the book for 17 years
From a small acorn
each page covered in those butterflies and flowers
He likes writing and he doesn’t care what people think of him
The book stands: a beacon
Tall, strong, a heretic in plain sight
And casting light on the darkness he feels
The book may not mean much to others
Like how you pass a thousand trees on your way to the grocery store
To pick up your 1,000th jug of milk
But to him it is tall, strong
and full of healing
This poem is about how bullying messes up your mindset and stops you from doing things you want to do. Sometimes it seems like the only thing you are is a victim, and there is nothing you can do to make that stop. Bullying is massive.
By-Hihowareyou
by Band Back Together | Mar 15, 2016 | Abuse, Adult Bullying, Child Loss, Child Neglect, Domestic Abuse, Economic Abuse, Emotional Abuse, Munchausen By Proxy Syndrome, Psychological Manipulation |
After going through what was quite possibly the most difficult year I’ve had so far, Things are finally settling down.
I’ve lost a child, was denied access to a child and have fought all year through to get it back.
I faced some of the most horrific gas lighting abuse imaginable, I work in a position of trust and have done so for many years and my former abuser decided that they would try and get me fired with some of the worst false accusations you could imagine.
I’m now at a point where child protection services no longer believe my former abuser and have some solid boundaries in place to protect myself.
They tried so hard to pretend they were the victim whilst I watched them send constant mixed messages, cheat on me, control every aspect of my hard earned wages, my professional life and personal life alike, and I watched my friends disappear everyday, then when enough of my support had gone they turned on my family. They were constantly redirecting the blame for everything onto me and making me feel responsible for every bad situation they created by abusing others as well.
The final straw was when I recognized that they were trying to set me up to make the biggest move of gas lighting abuse imaginable, I’ll be the first to admit that it didn’t go as far as accusing me of Satan worship or cults where children were sacrificed, but it got pretty close and was all to try and control and limit my access to my child.
I then identified defining factors of Munchhausen by proxy in their behavior and had no choice but to try and protect my child as best as I could whilst fighting off these organizations that she used to further victimize me.
My child was ill, in accident and emergency or was at emergency appointments almost every week. I noticed that the universal factor was that my former abuser would always press for me to have contact with HER, not my child. When I tried to be there for my child without seeing them even under the supervision of medical professionals, I was told that it’s unacceptable and I have to see my former abuser.
I am still clearing up the shrapnel in my life but it’s back.
MY LIFE.
I’ve been studying the past year to help real victims of domestic violence as a McKensies friend, as well as help both mothers and fathers hold onto their children when courts become involved, offer practical and emotional support for the men women and children whilst maintaining my own contact with my child and jumping through those hoops.
I’m in a fairly successful band and still retain my job in a position of trust, I’ve trained as a volunteer children’s speech therapist and rebuilt all of those broken bridges from my friends and family and I’ve brushed up on my cooking skills a great deal, and I still donate blood as often as possible.
If I had tried any of this over the past years during my victimization I would of crumbled and broke under the pressure. But now, now I can do all of this with an ease that belies my former victimization. Now it’s all as natural as breathing to me.
I received a shock on valentines day, It was an act that helped me realize how far I’ve come and how much stronger I am.
My former abuser sent me a valentines card…….
Are they sure about that?
I suspect that they have either the final screw has come loose, lost the ability to exert their manipulation of others and want to try again with me, or want to try and set me up again.
Well, Not Gonna Happen.
I did not build all of this to watch them break it again.
Not this time.
Find someone else to fall victim to you’re disillusion, faux perception and toxic miasma of a personality because I am free.
Thank you to The Band and Aunt Becky
I’m sorry for my silence since my last post I’ve just been so busy.
Until next time,
Stay strong all of you
by Band Back Together | Feb 19, 2016 | Adult Bullying, Anger, Bullying, Emotional Abuse, Emotional Boundaries, Family, Marriage and Partnership, Marriage Problems |
I hate my life right now. I have no one who can relate to me, and I don’t know if someone has ever been in my situation. It started after my husband and I got married. I didn’t really know his family that well and neither did he, he had always tried to distance himself and stay low with them. They seemed nice and friendly to me, but he told me a few times they are not all that nice when you get to know them.
They are from an Asian culture, very materialistic, controlling and demanding. Finding something authentic in them has been hard. I’ve come to experience this first hand, sadly after our first child was already born. Now all my instincts are going crazy and I don’t know what to do anymore. I almost want to leave my husband just to get my child away from these crazy folks.
My sister in law is the worst, and frankly I haven’t seen much yet, and I don’t want to. She appears as this big hearted, warm and EXTREMELY nice person at first, but she goes on fire really easily. She has some serious issues with self realization and is in denial about everything except for her money. She blows off at the tiniest incidents. And she treats my husband like he is shit. Calls him names, gives him orders -she’s the oldest and dominates the whole family. His mother is not much better, plays the victim the whole time, my husband falls for it very easily. She does creepy stuff to my child all the time. My sister in law has a child that is 4 months older than ours so my mother in law was constantly trying to make them play together, although they were only a few weeks old.
The whole thing was alright with me in the beginning, until an event happened that really upset me. My husband found his sister nursing our son. The whole event was so absurd and difficult to describe, I wasn’t there. I left my child with my husband for 1 hour, he went to his parents, his parents had some kids over, and of course my sister in law and her family were there. My husband left my child with my mother in law and sister in law for maybe 4-5 minutes, when he comes back she is nursing him, and my mother in law is watching and smiling at the whole thing.
When I heard about this incident I got really angry and called her up telling her nicely this was inappropriate and I expected an apology. She responded with denying the whole thing, calling my husband an idiot because he got it all wrong, then she called my husband up yelling at him for putting her in an awkward situation and going against the family. Everybody denies the whole thing and is calling me crazy. I am now still extremely angry at his family. I find it unbearable to be around them. I’ve tried to talk to them, talking about limits and boundaries, but they only smile and say yes yes yes. It drives me nuts.
This has put a heavy burden on our marriage as I find it really hard accepting them as they are or seeing myself and our son spending time with them. I cannot leave my child alone with them as they push the limits all the time. My husband finds it more important than ever spending time with them, and only wants to show compassion and understanding. I don’t trust his judgments and feel really alone in this. But what is he supposed to do? They are his family, but so am I. But he seems to have no opinion of his own except for love and understanding. That is just too far out for me in all this anger.
by Band Back Together | Feb 18, 2016 | Anxiety, Cancer and Neoplasia, Childhood Bullying, Divorce, Shame, Suicide, Teen Bullying, Trauma |
I’ve felt what it feels like to feel alone. I’ve felt what it feels like to feel unwanted. I’ve felt the pain of being judged. All thanks to you.
It all started in the beginning of seventh grade. I met this boy, in which at the time, was your boyfriend. You befriended me only to keep an “eye” on me. You told me, “You’re like my best friend”. You lied, repeatedly, all because of this one boy. I still remember the day when your friends texted me and told me to “back off” because you thought he was losing interest in you because of me. That’s when it began, when he “broke” your heart. I don’t know if I would’ve made it out alive, you tormented me to a point of disgust.
Everyday, you’d pass by only to call me names. You’ve called me absolutely everything one could think of. Ranging from a “slut”, to a “cry baby”. You wrote my name on walls and desks, commenting on how much of a “whore” I was. I hadn’t even had my first kiss yet. But you still kept on. Your parents supported you, babied you, all because they had no idea of who you really were, and still are. I was only 12, turning 13, but you kept consistent with your words. Only 12, and I was already thinking about suicide.
You made rumors, and pressed charges against the very person that you once “loved”. This remained until the end of eight grade. At this point, I was losing. I was losing myself, I was losing my aunt, and I was losing my parents. I cried in school because my aunt was dying from cancer, but you thought it was because of your words. That’s why I was a “cry baby”, to you. I still recall the day I messaged you on Facebook, and apologized, the same day she died. As if it was all my fault. My parents were getting a divorce, and you just kept on. Having no respect for anyone but yourself because you believe you’re the only one who deserves it. That’s a bully, that’s who you are.
The bullying subsided for about a year. We were “friends”, at least that’s what I believed. You asked for answers on the test, you asked me for help with your work. You pretended. It all started again in tenth grade, you came up to me about midway in the school year. Telling me to “keep my nose out of your business”. I was so confused, I don’t talk to any of her friends exactly for that reason. I’d never respect her, but I’d also never what to be part of her dramatic life. I was extremely unaware of what the situation was. I couldn’t stop shaking. That’s when I realized that I didn’t hate you, but despised you. Everything you were, everything you are. You traumatized me, you made me into this person full of anxiety, full of sadness. I wasn’t gonna let you win.
The next year came, I tried my best to ignore you in every possible way. The previous year, I had dated this boy, let’s just call him “Bunny”. I told everything to him, and he told me everything. We hurt in all the same ways, but he left for the summer, and we split. He knew about you, he said he’d “never date” you for what you did. But of course, that was a lie. The only person I connected to, you stole. You made him block me, exile me out of his life, and he probably hates me. That’s why I’m here now, you pass by me in the hallways, and call me a “slut”, while he’s holding your hand. All I say is “thanks”. Thank you for making me feel. I’ve felt. In which, is past tense, in which it means I won’t anymore. I’ve felt pain. But I now feel happiness. I’ve felt insufficient, but now I feel enough. I’ve felt disgusting.. But now I feel beautiful. All because of you.
by Band Back Together | Feb 11, 2016 | Bullying, Date/Acquaintance Rape, Fear, Guilt, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Rape/Sexual Assault, Sexual Coercion, Sexually Transmitted Infection, Teen Rape |
I’m really confused and need some direction. I feel so empty and feel as though this is all my fault and as if I’m to blame. Someone please help me. My friend and I had been drinking, mind you A LOT, and I had been flirting with this guy, and I said he could come over and kiss me, harmless right? At least I thought it was. He came over and we were hanging out, the three of us, and eventually we kissed, but things were getting weird as he kept trying to get me to drink more and more even though I felt horrible and everything was spinning.
Every time I would look away he’d pour more vodka in my drink. He was completely sober, he hadn’t had a single sip of alcohol. I was laying on the ground and I remember him saying they’d have to put me to bed soon, at some point I was puking and I said I had to go lay down and I think I said if anyone wanted to join me they could (this is something where I feel like is my fault, like I was asking for it, but I just didn’t want to be alone). I was in the middle of putting pajamas on and he came into my room, this is where things get really blurry, I was not feeling well at all. I remember he sat on the bed and I think I sat on his lap and we kissed a bit and then we were laying down, I remember he kept trying to touch me and I kept saying no, I don’t remember how many times I said no, but I know it was multiple.
Eventually I just gave up, this is where I don’t remember how my pants came off. I remember his shirt coming off eventually, but I think he’d already put it in me by then, I remember it hurt so bad. I knew I didn’t want to have sex with him, especially without a condom, I just wanted it to be over with. The thing that bugs me is I don’t know how my pants got off. I remember just laying there taking it and when he told me to turn over I did in hopes that it would be done quicker. Then I blacked out for awhile, the last thing I remember is him laughing about how “tired” I was. I’m pretty sure I had fallen asleep.
I got dressed as soon as I could and went down stairs to my two friends, as one had come over, and he stayed for another hour. I just tried to stay away from him as something felt off. I remember him making comments about how he should fuck me and my friend and I just felt sick. I kissed him goodbye because I felt obligated, texted him the next day, but now he’s blocked off everything and something inside me just isn’t right anymore.
