by Band Back Together | Sep 25, 2016 | Compulsive Lying, Guilt, Love, Therapy |
Hello to all. I’m new to The Band. It looks like a great place to seek help, advice, and to have someone who will listen and not judge you.
I have known that I was a compulsive liar for years, but I never thought that it was actually something that was ruining my life. Compulsive lying is an underlying psychotic disorder that can be a sign of something much larger. I began to do some research about this, reading a lot of articles and websites. I had been thinking I was the only person having a hard time with lying, but I started seeing that this disorder is real, other people have it, and it is very serious. The messages written by other people on this site, as well as other websites, gave me hope.
At first, I thought I could really change on my own, but I’m realizing that being a compulsive liar is like an abdication. Some people may really need help to get past this point in their lives. I feel like I am to that point. My first course of action is admitting that I’m a compulsive liar, and that I need to seek help.
It’s so bad that sometimes I don’t even have a clue why I lie. It just comes out without hesitation. Most of the time, when it happens, at the back of my mind, I’m asking myself why I lied. The truth would have been easier to say in the first place. When I have a chance to correct the lie, I can’t because I feel so guilty. I don’t want to admit I’m wrong, or that I just told a lie.
The worst part is that I lie to the one person I love the most. That hurts me more than anything.
Today is the day. I’m going to keep searching for help and with my disorder and try my best to speak the truth, no matter what. If anyone who has gone through this has any advice on how to get past this, I’m all ears. And to anyone who is reading this, if my story is hitting home, please seek help. Know that you are not the only one out there going through this problem. You are not the only compulsive liar in the world. Help is there, you just have to want it.
Until next time, thanks for reading and responding. I’m turning my life around one truth at a time.
by Band Back Together | Mar 1, 2016 | Compulsive Lying, Depression, Fear, Psychological Manipulation, Self Loathing, Self-Esteem, Therapy |
Well…at least I thought I was the normal one.
The thing is, I’m a nice guy. A great guy. Everyone loves to tell me so. The big 300 lbs gorilla in the room is that fact that I am deeply NOT OK. I don’t really know if I can remember ever being ok. I just fake it. I lie. I tell everyone, everything is just fine. And then I lie about myself….my self-esteem is so low that its a new degree of low. Low’s lower cousin…
And then…when confronted by anger, or judgement or fear, I lie about STUPID stuff. Defense mechanisms at work here…move along.
It didn’t really hit me between the eyes till my relationships started falling apart. Badly. And now I’m at the point where I feel the rug being pulled from under me and am starting to have severe panic attacks. Like…I’m realizing my whole world is a lie
and it is.
So today….I decided to start step 1
I looked at myself…after getting caught in yet another bad…STUPID AND MEANINGLESS lie. I realize that I have a problem. Not like I have a problem that can easily be fixed, NO, I have a serious condition and I need help.
and…I started step 2
I called my health insurance and made a call to a therapist. They had to do the whole insurance dance and told me they would get back to me after they talked with my insurance…yadda yadda yadda.
But at least I called. I have a list of doctors if the one I called doesn’t get back to me
Its not just that I want to change.
I need to.
I want to get off this roller coaster called MY PATHETIC life.
Either my significant other is going to join with me on my journey or cast me aside like the garbage I feel like right now.
That will be up to her.
I’m not doing this for her.
I’m not doing this for anyone but me.
I’m not going to blame her, my parents or anyone else for this genetic mental mistake I call my head
This one’s on me. But if it IS on me….then its up to me to get off my arse and fix it (if i can). I’ve taken the first step.
(raising my right hand) I (state your name) am a compulsive liar. I don’t do this to manipulate others, to hurt others or to be dominate to others. I do this because of low self-esteem and to avoid conflict. I don’t do it with any thought involved…and it is akin to a self-defense mechanism for protection.
I beg your forgiveness, and hope that with therapy I can not only get to a point where I do not lie anymore…but that I become a better person who feels as though I can finally be myself and be accepted as such.
I hope to someday be at the end of this journey and have acceptance
Right now all I have is a big ol’ bucket of depression, sadness and fear
But tomorrow is another day
I hope this new therapist calls me soon
I have to promise myself is he/she does not that I will call the next one on the list
And that even if my significant other decides to give up on me….that I will NOT
Because just as I stated at the beginning of this. I am a good person. A nice guy.
That’s gotta mean something…
by Band Back Together | Sep 25, 2015 | Compulsive Lying, Guilt, Love, Uncategorized |
Hello to all. I’m new to The Band. It looks like a great place to seek help, advice, and to have someone who will listen and not judge you.
I have known that I was a compulsive liar for years, but I never thought that it was actually something that was ruining my life. Compulsive lying is an underlying psychotic disorder that can be a sign of something much larger. I began to do some research about this, reading a lot of articles and websites. I had been thinking I was the only person having a hard time with lying, but I started seeing that this disorder is real, other people have it, and it is very serious. The messages written by other people on this site, as well as other websites, gave me hope.
At first, I thought I could really change on my own, but I’m realizing that being a compulsive liar is like an abdication. Some people may really need help to get past this point in their lives. I feel like I am to that point. My first course of action is admitting that I’m a compulsive liar, and that I need to seek help.
It’s so bad that sometimes I don’t even have a clue why I lie. It just comes out without hesitation. Most of the time, when it happens, at the back of my mind, I’m asking myself why I lied. The truth would have been easier to say in the first place. When I have a chance to correct the lie, I can’t because I feel so guilty. I don’t want to admit I’m wrong, or that I just told a lie.
The worst part is that I lie to the one person I love the most. That hurts me more than anything.
Today is the day. I’m going to keep searching for help and with my disorder and try my best to speak the truth, no matter what. If anyone who has gone through this has any advice on how to get past this, I’m all ears. And to anyone who is reading this, if my story is hitting home, please seek help. Know that you are not the only one out there going through this problem. You are not the only compulsive liar in the world. Help is there, you just have to want it.
Until next time, thanks for reading and responding. I’m turning my life around one truth at a time.
by Band Back Together | Jul 17, 2014 | Abortion, Abuse, Cancer and Neoplasia, Compulsive Lying, Love, Suicide |
I stand here, a shell of a man, alone, and without direction to find a path. I am a compulsive liar and I have been all my life. I have hurt and destroyed everything that is near and dear to my heart.
I have almost no friends, no family, and no love to call my own. I am defeated, at rock bottom, and needing to hear from someone why and what I need to do. I know everyone has a story, and I know some are worse off than me, but why can’t I stop lying? My childhood was a mess – abusive father and a mother who blamed her children for her life’s problems. I would cry for love and attention, but I never got it, just yelling and beating. Through high school, I would lie for attention, say things to be cool, yet get caught and pay by getting beaten up, or worse.
I have lost every relationship and every woman I have ever loved because I would lie about the smallest things, and then the biggest things. From a failed marriage, I have a child. That is the only reason I haven’t killed myself. I have another child that I gave up the rights to because I was ashamed someone would never like me with a child. Now that child is 17 and wants to see me, but she knows the evil person I am.
I met a beautiful woman two years ago. She was life and beauty and love, a healer and a spiritual woman. She showed me love like never before, showed me how to be grateful for life and to love and help others. She loved my 8 year old daughter. It was a beautiful relationship, but I gave her my lies to make her love me. I lied and told her I was receiving cancer treatments, so she would hold me tighter to her. Why would someone lie about having cancer when so many people die from it? Why did I feel the need to put lies in the most beautiful relationship I have ever found? She accepted me despite my bullshit past. I told her I was healing every day.
Now I have nothing because I lied about having cancer and said the chemotherapy made me sterile, Now she knows the truth because she become pregnant 6 weeks ago. She has left me and is having an abortion. I am devastated that I have destroyed this amazing woman’s soul.
I am lost and ashamed. I am a failure and a coward. Who does this, and why? I look back and can’t believe this is what I have made of my life. It’s like it just happens. I don’t think about it. I don’t wake up and say I am going to hurt someone today. God, all I want is to be loved and cared for and I keep destroying those chances. The pain I feel is to much to take anymore. I’m afraid for myself, and the ones I have hurt.
I know I am a good person inside. I feel her pain and the pain of the others I have hurt. I want to be better. For the first time ever, I want to make my life mean something. I want to give back to the people who have trusted me and believed in me, when all I ever did was lie. Change must happen today, or I am done.
Why am I am monster when all I ever wanted to be was something beautiful to the world?
