my son turned 18 today.
he can: buy lottery tickets, get a tattoo, buy cigarettes, visit a strip club, vote, sign up for the draft, stay out until all hours, buy alcohol (well, not here but many places), gamble (again, certain states).
he is no longer a boy, but a man.
It would be really great if all of us stopped telling other people that we hope Karma catches up with them. Do not get me wrong, I am not saying you have no right to feel how you feel. However, the road to healing is not an easy one. When we choose to breathe the words “I can’t wait until Karma catches up with you” is sort of like saying that you cannot wait to find out what it is like to be that person. I will explain.
Our Grand Universe is comprised of nothing more than Ethereal Energy. We are also made of this same energy. No matter what we want to believe, ultimately, we are who is in charge of our own lives.
Lanakila, one of my most favorite teachers of all things Spirit, told me that I had to think of my words, whether written, spoken, or even thought about, as carriers for energy. When we speak, we are not really aware that we are doing so with emotions and feelings which are energizing those words.
Think about the last time you had road rage. Your angry, raging energies affected the whole situation. The other person may have had no idea what was going on – all they knew was that they did something to piss off a total stranger. Whenever there is a dearth of emotions, there is a guarantee that SOMEONE in that emotional stew is going to have to bear the brunt-end of things.
Our memories have energy tied to them. You can take the memory of a time when someone really hurt you, and you can actually change the energetic vibration of that memory. Unless you are aware of what the reality of Karma is, you cannot turn the energy to flow in a different, friendlier direction. When we change our own energy, we change the energy of Karma.
It is not easy trying to think another way. I know this one personally. However, when we even try, the Universe responds quickly. When we change our way of thinking, it subconciously takes away the power of the creeps who have hurt us.
By simply just being neutral, or even happy, that is what stops your Karma from happening, almost immediately. It literally shuts down that ugly energy within us, meaning that the ugly Karma energy cannot reach the morons who did whatever they did.
My greatest experiences in healing from my own crap was when I chose to not wreck my own Karma further. I chose NOT to go through stuff that other people went through, just because I was hurt and I wanted them to hurt as badly. Believe me – no matter what anyone of us wants to believe, the creeps who hurt people are already creating a Karma debt that WILL BE paid, if not in this lifetime, then in the next. The reality is that no Karmic debt EVER goes unpaid, no matter what.
When I chose to no longer suffer in the energies that they so happily, vengefully sent my way is when my own Karma was cleared. When I chose to “cut the cords” and no longer attach myself to negative people, I stopped them from siphoning all of my good energy away from me. There is still is a lot of personal soul work on myself that I have to do, but I literally made it so that the ugly energies they’d sent to me went right back to them. That is the nature of energy. It seeks out and ultimately finds that which is like it, that which matches it, and that which it can grow from.
Karmic energy is circular, literally meaning, what comes around, goes around, be it good or not. When you are feeling spiteful about the people who were bad to you, try hard to stop yourself. The idiots who have hurt us should never be allowed to have any kind of control over us or our lives.
When we prove things, it is like we are opening up for our abusers to take control again, because the very need to prove them wrong is a measure of control. When we fight back and defend, even though it is good that we do, we give our abusers the control that they are looking for. This is what causes the back and forth of the fighting and the arguing that ultimately ends up with our being hurt. The reality is that people who hurt have a hard time hurting others. It is not in our nature.
Karma tells us that what we put others through, no matter what, we will also go through. When we tell people that we want them to suffer, we will suffer in the same magnitude that we wished on them. When we remain neutral and do not allow our feelings to become the thing that we focus on, we are keeping our own souls safe from harm.
So, now that you know what’s up with this whole Karmic groove thing …what are you going to do with this new information?
ALOHA!
Power. What is power?
The dictionary says power is the ability to do something or act in a particular way.
To me power means to overtake or have control.
Power is a tricky thing, it’s like a drug coursing through your veins making you feel alive.
Too much of it can hurt.
Eventually, you become addicted,
And can’t stop the cravings you feel to use it once more.
Once more.
Always once more.
You can never get enough.
You can feel yourself slipping away and power over taken your body,
As you utter two words that will show your power over another,
You don’t want to.
But at the same time,
You can’t stop yourself.
Two simple words can scar forever.
Two simple words can hurt the most.
And as I look in the mirror,
All I hear in my head are those two words.
Running through my brain,
Taunting me.
As I look away with tears in my eyes,
All I know is that those two words that may not so innocently have slipped from your mouth, Now have complete power over me.
I can never regain that control again.
They have taken away something that can’t be taken back.
They have shredded any part of me that had power.
They have completely and utterly taken away the most important thing,
The one thing that I will never get back,
The power over myself.
Last year, for Christmas, we went to the beach. South Padre Island, to be specific. I got to spend Christmas Day on the beach, and it was amazing.
We drove to the place where the road ends and got out and walked and walked and picked up seashells, then we rode to the other end of the island, where the land ended, and walked, and picked up seashells, and saw birds, and took a dolphin watch cruise, and in general, just opted out of the commercial side of Christmas.
Whenever I feel the world pressing in too closely around me, I just look at these pictures and remember when we went to the place where the road ends. I remember the Christmas that was about enjoying the world I live in, with the souls I love the most. I remember the awe I felt as I stood on the beach and watched the gulf crash into the shore, and I remember the tears I cried as I stared at the beauty my creator wrought. And the world recedes, and my heart knows a moment’s peace.
I actually feel bad for posting this because it’s a petty problem. Everyone on here has real problems, and I’m just writing about a guy I’m still in love with. It’s pathetic, I know. No one has to read this if they don’t want to.
In 8th grade, I realized that I wanted to have someone always there to compliment me, to make me feel beautiful or important, so I was on a social media website. Even though I never believed the guys I added on there, I still wanted the attention.
Blake lived about three hours away. He accepted my friend request, and sent me a message. When I was going to spend a week at my aunt’s house, and wouldn’t have internet access, I asked him to text me. He was pretty cool and attractive. We talked a little. One day, he sent me a message saying, “Please don’t let us drift apart.” I said we wouldn’t. Sometimes, he would try to call me, but I don’t like talking on the phone, so I wouldn’t usually answer.
One day I did answer, and it was an amazing night. I got to know him a bit better than I did through text messages. He’s extremely funny, sarcastic, and witty. I found his laugh and the way he talks adorable. That started my huge crush on him. I found out the next day, he liked me, too. Long distance relationships suck. We didn’t date, but we really liked each other. Eventually, it turned into love.
I truly trusted him and loved him, so I told him my secrets. He told me he wanted to kiss me really bad, and that he loved me. He even wrote me a poem on Facebook in a message. I was happy with whatever Blake and I were. I wanted it to be official, but understood why we weren’t.
I’m insecure, and I was hurt by the distance, so I started dating Landon, a guy I went to school with. That hurt Blake a lot, but he continued to be my friend, even though it was painful. It wasn’t my intention to hurt Blake. Eventually, Landon and I broke up, and I apologized to Blake for hurting him.
I wanted to be the first to tell him “Happy Birthday,” so I called him at five minutes to 12:00 the night before. We had a very good conversation, with lots of humor, and he seemed to be in a good mood.
I told him later that when I got off the phone with him that night, my friend asked why we weren’t “dating” anymore. Blake didn’t like that. He quit texting me. I knew that I screwed everything up. He was done.
After he was gone, I realized just how much I love him. He has probably succeeded in moving on, but I haven’t. It’s been almost three years, and I still have the same feelings for him. I don’t think they’re going away.
I’m currently dating a guy named Brandon. He knows about Blake. He’s rightfully scared that I’m not over Blake, and it’s true. I’m not. I thought dating someone else would help me get over him. At one point, I thought I was. Then, I saw that Blake was going to a concert near me. I spent my summer trying to go to it, just to finally see him. I thought that he might start talking to me again. There were bands that I wanted to see, but Blake was the main reason I was going. I saw him, but he didn’t see me. He was talking to someone, so I didn’t intrude.
Later, I posted my pictures from the concert online, and he messaged me for the first time in a while. He asked if I went to that concert, I told him that I had. When I told him why I didn’t talk to him there, he said, “Oh, you should’ve said hey, I never saw you.” That made me the happiest I had been in a very long time. It sounded like he would have wanted to see me if he had known I was going. I wish I had told him I would be there.
Basically, I really hate myself for screwing things up. I still believe that I love Blake. We haven’t talked since that day after the concert. I don’t believe I should be alive because of the way I treated him. I was terrible to him, when all he did was care about me and love me. He’s so perfect, and he could do better than me anyways. But I can’t help it. I want to be selfish. I love him so much.