Coping With Rape

by Band Back Together | Oct 8, 2018

When a person is raped or sexually assaulted, his or her world is turned upside down. Not only has he or she been violated in the most intimate way possible, he or she has to heal from the assault. But…how? Society is still afraid to talk openly about a rape or sexual assault; people may not know how to approach the rape victim – afraid to say the wrong thing.

Read more information about rape/sexual assault.

Read more about male sexual assault.

Every person who has been sexually violated responds differently to the crime – some become horribly depressed while others become very angry. All emotions are fair responses to a rape or sexual assault.

Here are a list of tips for talking to a rape victim as well as how to help yourself recover from a rape or sexual assault. Note that for the purposes of this resource, we are using rape and sexual assault interchangeably.

How To Recover From A Rape/Sexual Assault:

The trauma of being raped or sexually assaulted can be shattering, leaving you feeling scared, ashamed, and alone or plagued by nightmares, flashbacks, and other unpleasant memories. But no matter how bad you feel right now, it’s important to remember that you weren’t to blame for what happened and you can regain your sense of safety and trust. Recovering from sexual trauma takes time, and the healing process can be painful. But with the right strategies and support, you can move past the trauma, rebuild your sense of control and self-worth, and even come out the other side feeling stronger and more resilient.

Sexual violence is shockingly common in our society. According to the CDC, nearly 1 in 5 women in the U.S. are raped or sexually assaulted at some point in their lives, often by someone they know and trust. In some Asian, African, and Middle Eastern countries, that figure is even higher. And sexual assault isn’t limited to women; many men and boys suffer rape and sexual trauma each year.

Regardless of age or gender, the impact of sexual violence goes far beyond any physical injuries. When you’ve been raped, the world doesn’t feel like a safe place anymore. You no longer trust others. You don’t even trust yourself. You may question your judgment, your self-worth, and even your sanity. You may blame yourself for what happened or believe you’re “dirty” or “damaged goods.” Relationships feel dangerous, intimacy impossible. And on top of that, like many rape survivors, you may struggle with PTSD, anxiety, and depression.

It’s important to remember that what you’re experiencing is a normal reaction to trauma. Your feelings of helplessness, shame, defectiveness, and self-blame are symptoms, not reality. No matter how difficult it may seem right now, with these tips and techniques, you can come to terms with what happened and learn to heal and move on with your life.

If you have been the victim of a rape or sexual assault, you may not know how to feel normal again. You may feel that the emotional pain of a rape or sexual assault will never go away. You may feel shame, depression, anxiety and fear after the attack. No matter how you feel, know that things will become better, you will learn to heal, and life will go on in your new normal.

Physically:

Seek medical attention – even if you do not want to take the assault to the police, you must be seen by a doctor to receive care for any injuries and to be tested (and receive treatment) for any sexually transmitted infections.

Even though you may have the intense desire to shower, before showering go see a doctor so he or she can collect evidence to try and convict your rapist. Even if you do not want to press charges right away, you may change your mind later. Chances are, your rapist has or will attack someone else. This evidence could be the difference between a conviction and another rape on another person.

Do not throw away or wash the clothes you were wearing at the time of attack. Place them in a sealed plastic bag to take to the police.

Emotionally:

Adjusting To Life After Rape: Reach Out

You are not alone – one out of every six women and one out of every 33 men have been the victim of a rape.

Remind yourself that every person responds differently to a rape or sexual assault – and that all feelings, ranging from depression, to humiliation, to fear, to confusion, to anger, to numbness, to guilt, to shame. All of these feelings, however unpleasant, are normal.

It can be extraordinarily difficult to admit that you were raped or sexually assaulted. There’s a stigma attached. It can make you feel dirty and weak. You may also be afraid of how others will react. Will they judge you? Look at you differently? It seems easier to downplay what happened or keep it a secret. But when you stay silent, you deny yourself help and reinforce your victimhood.

Reach out to someone you trust. It’s common to think that if you don’t talk about your rape, it didn’t really happen. But you can’t heal when you’re avoiding the truth. And hiding only adds to feelings of shame. As scary as it is to open up, it’s what will set you free. However, it’s important to be selective about who you tell, especially at first. Your best bet is someone who will be supportive, empathetic, and calm. If you don’t have someone you trust, talk to a therapist or call a rape crisis hotline.

Challenge your sense of helplessness and isolation. Trauma leaves you feeling powerless and vulnerable. It’s important to remind yourself that you have strengths and coping skills that can get you through tough times. One of the best ways to reclaim your sense of power is by helping others: volunteer your time, give blood, reach out to a friend in need, or donate to your favorite charity.

Consider joining a support group for other rape or sexual abuse survivors. Support groups can help you feel less isolated and alone. They also provide invaluable information on how to cope with symptoms and work towards recovery. If you can’t find a support group in your area, look for an online group.

The rape was NOT your fault. Self-blame is common among rape victims. Rape victims tend to feel as though they are somehow responsible for the rape. It’s not true – the only person responsible for the sexual assault is the person who committed the rape.

It may take quite some time to rebuild trust in other people. Being the victim of a rape shatters your sense of trust and it’s not something easily rebuilt – like anything else, it takes time.

If you’re finding that you’re having a particularly difficult time coping in the aftermath of the rape, don’t be afraid to find a local counselor who specializes in rape and sexual assault.

Confide in a trusted loved one about your feelings. Don’t keep them bottled inside because you feel you should be “strong” for other people. Let them know how you’re hurting and what they can do to help.

Adjusting To Life After Rape: Coping With Guilt and Shame

Even if you intellectually understand that you’re not to blame for the rape or sexual attack, you may still struggle with a sense of guilt or shame. These feelings can be present immediately following the assault or arise years after the attack. But as you acknowledge the truth of what happened, it will be easier to fully accept that you are not responsible. You did not bring the assault on yourself and you have nothing to be ashamed about.

Feelings of guilt and shame often stem from misconceptions such as:

You didn’t stop the assault from happening. After the fact, it’s easy to second guess what you did or didn’t do. But when you’re in the midst of an assault, your brain and body are in shock. You can’t think clearly. Many people say they feel “frozen.” Don’t judge yourself for this natural reaction to trauma. You did the best you could under extreme circumstances. If you could have stopped the assault, you would have.

You trusted someone you “shouldn’t” have. One of the most difficult things to deal with following an assault by someone you know is the violation of trust. It’s natural to start questioning yourself and wondering if you missed warning signs. Just remember that your attacker is the only one to blame. Don’t beat yourself up for assuming that your attacker was a decent human being. Your attacker is the one who should feel guilty and ashamed, not you.

You were drunk or not cautious enough. Regardless of the circumstances, the only one who is responsible for the assault is the perpetrator. You did not ask for it or deserve what happened to you. Assign responsibility where it belongs: on the rapist.

Adjusting To Life After Rape: Flashbacks And Nightmares

When you go through something stressful, your body temporarily goes into “fight-or-flight” mode. When the threat has passed, your body calms down. But traumatic experiences such as rape can cause you nervous system to become stuck in a state of high alert. You’re hyper sensitive to the smallest of stimuli. This is the case for many rape survivors. Flashbacks, nightmares, and intrusive memories are extremely common, especially in the first few months following the assault. If you’re nervous system remains “stuck” in the long-term and you develop post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), they can last much longer.

To reduce the stress of flashbacks and upsetting memories:

Try to anticipate and prepare for triggers. Common triggers include anniversary dates; people or places associated with the rape; and certain sights, sounds, or smells. If you are aware of what triggers may cause an upsetting reaction, you’ll be in a better position to understand what’s happening and take steps to calm down.

Pay attention to your body’s danger signals. Your body and emotions give you clues when you’re starting to feel stressed and unsafe. These clues include feeling tense, holding your breath, racing thoughts, shortness of breath, hot flashes, dizziness, and nausea.

Take immediate steps to self-soothe. When you notice any of the above symptoms, it’s important to quickly act to calm yourself down before they spiral out of control. One of the quickest and most effective ways to calm anxiety and panic is to slow down your breathing.

It’s not always possible to prevent flashbacks. But if you find yourself losing touch with the present and feeling like the sexual assault is happening all over again, there are things you can do.

Accept and reassure yourself that this is a flashback, not reality. The traumatic event is over and you survived. Here’s a simple script that can help: “I am feeling [panicked, frightened, overwhelmed, etc.] because I am remembering the rape/sexual assault, but as I look around I can see that the assault isn’t happening right now and I’m not actually in danger.”

Ground yourself in the present. Grounding techniques can help you direct your attention away from the flashback and back to your present environment. For example, try tapping or touching your arms or describing your actual environment and what you see when look around—name the place where you are, the current date, and 3 things you see when you look around.

You may want to learn some breathing exercises to help you calm down. This is one we recommend:

• Sit or stand comfortably with your back straight. Put one hand on your chest and the other on your stomach.
• Take a slow breath in through your nose, counting to four. The hand on your stomach should rise. The hand on your chest should move very little.
• Hold your breath for a count of seven.
• Exhale through your mouth to a count of eight, pushing out as much air as you can while contracting your abdominal muscles. The hand on your stomach should move in as you exhale, but your other hand should move very little.
• Inhale again, repeating the cycle until you feel relaxed and centered.

Adjusting To Life After Rape: Feeling Your Feelings

Your nervous system is in a hypersensitive state following a rape or assault, so you may start doing things to numb yourself or avoid any associations with the trauma. But you can’t selectively numb. When you shut down the unpleasant sensations, you also shut down your self-awareness and capacity for joy. You may end up disconnected both emotionally and physically—existing, but not fully living.

It’s frightening to get back in touch with your body and feelings following sexual trauma. In many ways, rape makes your body the enemy, something that’s been violated and contaminated—something you may hate or want to ignore. It’s also scary to face the intense feelings associated with the assault. But while the process of reconnecting may feel threatening, it’s not actually dangerous. Feelings, while powerful, are not reality. They won’t hurt you or drive you insane. The true danger to your physical and mental health comes from avoiding them.

Once you’re back in touch with your body and feelings, you will feel more safe, confident, and powerful.

These techniques may help:

Massage. After rape, you may feel uncomfortable with human touch. But touching and being touched is an important way we give and receive affection and comfort. You can begin to reopen yourself to human contact through massage therapy when you are ready

Rhythmic movement. Rhythm can be very healing. It helps us relax and regain a sense of control over our bodies. Anything that combines rhythm and movement will work: dancing, drumming, marching. You can even incorporate it into your walking or running routine by concentrating on the back and forth movements of your arms and legs.

Yoga, Tai Chi, and Qigong. These activities combine body awareness with relaxing, focused movement and can help relieve symptoms of PTSD and trauma.

Mindfulness meditation. Mindfulness meditation can be practiced anywhere, even while you are walking or eating. Simply focus on what you’re feeling in the present movement—including any bodily sensations and emotions. The goal is to observe without judgement.

Signs You May Be Numbing The Pain You’re Feeling

You shut down physically. You don’t feel bodily sensations like you used to and you may not be able to distinguish between pleasure and pain

Feeling disconnected from your body and/or surroundings – you may feel like you’re watching yourself or the situation you’re in, rather than participating in it, from far away

Trouble concentrating and remembering things.

Using stimulants, risky activities, or physical pain to feel alive and get rid of the empty feeling inside of you.

Compulsively using drugs or alcohol.

Escaping through fantasies, daydreams, or excessive TV, video games, etc.

Feeling detached from the world, the people in your life, and the activities you used to enjoy.

Mental Recovery After Rape:

Recovering from a rape or sexual assault is a long, complicated experience. Do not feel guilty if you cannot simply “get over it.”

Part of healing from a rape or sexual assault involves regaining feelings of control over your environment. In addition to all of the other complicated feelings after a rape, feeling out of control is not uncommon. The rape took away your control – you must fight to bring it back.

Rebuilding feelings of safety, trust, control and self-worth can take quite a long time – that is okay.

Don’t hesitate to ask for help. If you need help from a counselor or therapist, if you need help finding a support group, if you need help going to the grocery store and getting chores done, ask someone for help. There is no shame in admitting you cannot do it all alone.

Write out your feelings. Don’t hesitate to keep a private journal of your thoughts or contribute a post or three to The Band.

It’s common to feel isolated and disconnected from others following a sexual assault. You may be tempted to withdraw from social activities and your loved ones. But it’s important to stay connected to life and the people who care about you. Support from other people is vital to your recovery.

Remember that support doesn’t mean you always have to talk or dwell on what happened. Having fun and laughing with people who care about you can be equally healing.

Participate in social activities, even if you don’t feel like it. Do “normal” things with other people, things that have nothing to do with the sexual trauma.

Reconnect with old friends. If you’ve retreated from relationships that were once important to you, make the effort to reconnect.

Make new friends. If you live alone or far from family and friends, try to reach out and make new friends. Take a class or join a club to meet people with similar interests, connect to an alumni association, or reach out to neighbors or work colleagues.

Support:

Find – and join – a support group for victims of rape and sexual assault. It can be very healing to be among people who understand the feelings you are dealing with.

Ditch anyone who doesn’t take you seriously or tries to play down what happened to you. Listening to that kind of garbage will only make you feel worse – like you need THAT in your life.

Being raped can make you feel unsafe. It may make you feel like you’re not brave any more – like you want to hide out from everyone to stay safe. Don’t be afraid to ask a friend or loved one to go with you when you begin to go out again.

There is no right or wrong way to heal. Everyone has their own way of healing.

How To Help Someone Recover From A Rape or Sexual Assault:

Your friend or loved one has been attacked and violated in one of the most horrifying of ways. You feel powerless, angry, and unsure of what to do next. 

Here are some tips for helping a loved one recover from a sexual assault:

Right After The Sexual Assault:

Encourage your friend to see a doctor and receive proper medical attention after a sexual assault. He or she may need treatment for STDs or pregnancy testing after the assault.

Encourage – but do not pressure – your friend to report the attack. If your friend does not want to report the rape, respect that decision as his or hers to make.

Shortly After The Rape:

Listen, listen, listen to your friend who has been raped. He or she may try to go over and over the assault, replaying it in his or her mind. Listen without judgement as often as your friend would like.

Assure your loved one that he or she is not to blame for the rape. Expect to do this often as your loved one tries to work out why he or she was the victim of sexual assault.

Reassure your friend or loved one that you will be by their side no matter what. Your door is always open and you’re always just a phone call away.

Reassure your loved one that no one “deserves” to be sexually violated or raped.

Remind your friend that there is no right or wrong way to feel after a rape. Many of the emotions of a rape victim can be confusing – especially to the victim of the sexual assault.

Long Term Help After A Rape:

If your friend seems to be having a particularly hard time recovering from the rape, gently suggest that he or she speak to a counselor trained to help victims of rape.

Help your friend seek therapy for the assault by finding a list of local therapists or support groups that specialize in working with the victims of sexual assault. Often, while very depressed, it is hard for a rape victim to take these steps on his or her own.

Remind your friend who has been through a sexual assault that he or she is not to blame – the guilt and the what ifs can plague a person who has been assaulted for a long time.

Expect that your loved one will experience many emotions following a rape or sexual assault. Feelings of anxiety, fear, humiliation, shame, guilt, anger, numbness and confusion are common following a sexual assault.

Give them time – if your loved one indicates that he or she is still struggling, remind them that there is no timetable for recovering from a rape. Recovery is a slow, gradual process.

If your loved one is a male who is admitting that he was raped, take extra care to reassure him that you believe him. Many people do not believe that men can be the victim of a rape – this could not be farther from the truth. Men and women can both be the victim of a sexual assault.

Read more about male sexual assault.

Help your loved one who was raped to feel that they are now safe. It may take time for a rape victim to feel safe; to begin to participate in activities when they are ready – this is okay. If they ask for your companionship to various activities – including support groups – be sure to provide it if you can.

Allow your loved one to make choices for him or herself. Being raped is the ultimate type of loss of control over their environment. Don’t step in and try to take charge – allow your friend or loved one to make their own decisions as a way to begin the road to empowerment.

Ask – rather than assume you know best – how best you can help your friend. This can help your friend begin the path to recovery and begin to rebuild trust.

It’s natural to be overprotective of a loved one who has been raped – however, your loved one may not appreciate being treated with “kid gloves” or coddled. Play it by ear – you know your loved one best – and if all else fails, ASK them what they want and need from you.

If you are having a hard time coping with the feelings that the rape has stirred up inside you, consider talking to a therapist or counselor about how to manage your OWN feelings.

Self-Care:

Regardless of whether you are a victim, a survivor, or a loved one, taking care of yourself is the best way to help others. There are many ways we can take care of ourselves.

Take time to rest and restore your body’s balance. That means taking a break when you’re tired and avoiding the temptation to lose yourself by throwing yourself into activities. Avoid doing anything compulsively, including working. If you’re having trouble relaxing and letting down your guard, you may benefit from relaxation techniques such as meditation and yoga.

Be smart about media consumption. Avoid watching anything that could trigger bad memories or flashbacks. This includes obvious things such as news reports about sexual violence and sexually explicit TV shows and movies. But you may also want to temporarily avoid anything that’s overly stimulating, including social media.

Take care of yourself physically. It’s always important to eat right, exercise regularly, and get plenty of sleep—doubly so when you’re healing from trauma. Exercise in particular can soothe your traumatized nervous system, relieve stress, and help you feel more powerful and in control of your body.

Avoid alcohol and drugs. Avoid the temptation to self-medicate with alcohol or drugs. Substance use worsens many symptoms of trauma, including emotional numbing, social isolation, anger, and depression. It also interferes with treatment and can add to problems at home and in your relationships.

Balance your life – Make sure you are sleeping, eating, and exercising as regularly as possible. This will help your life regain some normalcy.

Be patient with yourself – It can take a long time to recover. It may happen in small steps, incrementally, or there may be setbacks. Be mindful of your progress and your setbacks

Breathe – Often we forget to breathe and regulating and focusing on your breath is a great way to calm and center your body. It allows you to tune in to what is going on and what you are feeling.

Allow yourself to experience your feelings – This is a tall order, and some people may feel numb after a rape. However, for most there will be emotions that come up at some point. Allow yourself to feel them and give them space to happen. You might feel angry, scared, sad – these are all normal and okay.

Find an outlet – Find an outlet to express your emotions and feelings. This can help rebuild your confidence and your sense of empowerment.

As a Loved One:

Take time for yourself – It is a big job to be supportive of a friend going through a difficult time. Make sure that you give yourself enough space so that you can be mentally available for your loved one.

Get help if you need it – Sometimes it’s worth recognizing that we don’t have all the answers. You’re not expected to be an expert. If you or your loved one need additional help or resources, scout those out and get the help you need too.

Be there – Sometimes just being there is enough. Your loved one is likely looking for a safe space to share, not for a fixer or a solution.

Things To Say To Someone Who Has Been Raped:

“I believe you.”

“I’m so sorry this happened to you.”

“This is not your fault.”

“How can I help?”

“Would you like me to find a support group for you?”

“I’m here if you want to talk.”

“I’m here if you don’t want to talk.”

“You are not alone.”

It’s common to feel isolated and disconnected from others following a sexual assault. You may be tempted to withdraw from social activities and your loved ones. But it’s important to stay connected to life and the people who care about you. Support from other people is vital to your recovery. But remember that support doesn’t mean you always have to talk or dwell on what happened. Having fun and laughing with people who care about you can be equally healing.

Participate in social activities, even if you don’t feel like it. Do “normal” things with other people, things that have nothing to do with the sexual trauma.

Reconnect with old friends. If you’ve retreated from relationships that were once important to you, make the effort to reconnect.

Make new friends. If you live alone or far from family and friends, try to reach out and make new friends. Take a class or join a club to meet people with similar interests, connect to an alumni association, or reach out to neighbors or work colleagues.

How NOT To Help Someone Recover From A Rape or Sexual Assault.

Sometimes even the most well-meaning people can say the wrong thing to a victim of rape or sexual assault. It’s very hard to know what to say and what not to say.

Here are some tips for what not to do or say to a sexual assault survivor.

Don’t guilt or pressure your friend into reporting the rape – it is up to his or her discretion whether or not he or she wants to report the rape to the police. You can encourage this, but do not use guilt or pressure as a motivator – your friend is already dealing with a lot of guilt and grief about the rape.

Don’t imply or outwardly criticize the survivor for not resisting the attack. A rape is not the victim’s fault no matter what.

Don’t suggest that the rape or sexual assault was somehow related to being in the wrong place – and that the victim should’ve known better.

Don’t ask after what the rape or sexual assault victim was wearing or doing at the time of the attack – it implies that blame should be given to the victim for behaving inappropriately.

Don’t judge. Anyone can be a victim of rape or sexual assault – not simply “drunk chicks.” Assaults can happen to anyone at any time at any age. So check judgement at the door and listen openly as your friend opens up about the assault.

If your friend indicates that he or she does not want to talk about the rape, do not push for details. It may make them feel more uncomfortable than they already do, having survived a rape.

Don’t imply that he or she is mis-remembering the situation. If your friend was the victim of sexual violence, it’s not up for debate.

If the rape victim is male, do not indicate that male rape is fake or that the assault didn’t happen. Men can be raped, too.

Don’t frighten them – even as a joke. If your friend or loved one has experienced a sexual assault, chances are that they will feel jumpy and startled under the best of circumstances. So don’t come up behind them suddenly or touch them – this may trigger flashbacks of the rape.

Don’t be offended if your loved one doesn’t want to be close or touch you. Touches may trigger flashbacks of the rape. Ask before hugging or holding their hand if they are okay with you hugging them. Ask every single time you feel compelled to hug them – don’t assume that they are always going to feel comfortable with your touch.

Don’t take out your feelings on your loved one. Knowing that you weren’t able to protect someone you love from a violent sexual assault can cause a lot of unpleasant feelings inside you – it is not your friend’s responsibility to hear about or comfort you about how the rape makes you feel.

Don’t expect too much of yourself. Your friend or loved one may need different types of support from different people – you should not and cannot be the sole person to support your friend as he or she recovers from a rape.

Don’t speak for your loved one unless they have asked you to. When friends, doctors or police ask questions, allow them to speak for themselves.

Things Not To Say To Someone Who Has Been Raped:

“Were you drunk?”

“What were you wearing?”

“Men can’t be raped.”

“It’s your fault.”

“Why aren’t you getting over this faster?”

“You’re wallowing.”

“That wasn’t rape.”

“You were leading him/her on.”

“You shouldn’t report it – it’s only going to make it worse for you.”

“You’re overreacting.”

If you have additional suggestions to add to this page, please email bandbacktogether@gmail.com.

PTSD And Veterans

by Band Back Together | Aug 11, 2018

What is PTSD in Veterans?

For very many veterans, returning from military service also means dealing with symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). You may be having a hard time readjusting to life out of the military. Or you may constantly be feeling on edge, emotionally numb and disconnected, or close to panicking or exploding. But no matter how long the V.A. wait times, or how isolated or emotionally cut off from others you feel, it’s important to know that you’re not alone and there are plenty of things you can do to start feeling better. These steps can help you learn to deal with nightmares and flashbacks, cope with feelings of depression, anxiety or guilt, and regain your sense of control.

Post-traumatic stress disorder impacts 11-20 percent of Iraq and Afghanistan War veterans, approximately 12 percent of Gulf War veterans, and 15 percent of Vietnam veterans. In addition to the combat-related PTSD, roughly 1 in 4 women and 1 in 100 men utilizing the VA report instances of sexual assault, which can also result in prolonged traumatic stress.

What Causes PTSD in Veterans?

Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), sometimes called “combat stress” or “shell shock,” happens after you experience severe trauma or a life-threatening event. It’s normal for your mind and body to be in shock after such an event, but this normal response becomes PTSD when your nervous system gets stuck between fight and flight syndrome. Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) can occur after you have been through a trauma. A trauma is a shocking and dangerous event that you see or that happens to you. During this type of event, you think that your life or others’ lives are in danger.

Read more about PTSD

Your nervous system has two automatic or reflexive ways of responding to stressful events:

Mobilization, or fight-or-flight, occurs when you need to defend yourself or survive the danger of a combat situation. Your heart pounds faster, your blood pressure rises, and your muscles tighten, increasing your strength and reaction speed. Once the danger has passed, your nervous system calms your body, lowering your heart rate and blood pressure, and winding back down to its normal balance.

Immobilization occurs when you’ve experienced too much stress in a situation and even though the danger has passed, you find yourself “stuck.” Your nervous system is unable to return to its normal state of balance and you’re unable to move on from the event. Immobilization is PTSD.

Recovering from PTSD involves transitioning out of the mental and emotional war zone you’re still living in and helping your nervous system return to normal.

Going through trauma is not rare. About 6 of every 10 men (or 60%) and 5 of every 10 women (or 50%) experience at least one trauma in their lives. Women are more likely to experience sexual assault and child sexual abuse. Men are more likely to experience accidents, physical assault, combat, disaster, or to witness death or injury.

PTSD can happen to anyone. It is not a sign of weakness. A number of factors can increase the chance that someone will develop PTSD, many of which are not under that person’s control. For example, if you were directly exposed to the trauma or injured, you are more likely to develop PTSD.

PTSD And The Military:

When you are in the military, you may see combat. You may have been on missions that exposed you to horrible and life-threatening experiences. These types of events can lead to PTSD.

The number of Veterans with PTSD varies by service era:

• Operations Iraqi Freedom (OIF) and Enduring Freedom (OEF): About 11-20 out of every 100 Veterans (or between 11-20%) who served in OIF or OEF have PTSD in a given year.
• Gulf War (Desert Storm): About 12 out of every 100 Gulf War Veterans (or 12%) have PTSD in a given year.
• Vietnam War: About 15 out of every 100 Vietnam Veterans (or 15%) were currently diagnosed with PTSD at the time of the most recent study in the late 1980s, the National Vietnam Veterans Readjustment Study (NVVRS). It is estimated that about 30 out of every 100 (or 30%) of Vietnam Veterans have had PTSD in their lifetime.

Other factors in a combat situation can add more stress to an already stressful situation. This may contribute to PTSD and other mental health problems. These factors include what you do in the war, the politics around the war, where the war is fought, and the type of enemy you face.

Another cause of PTSD in the military can be military sexual trauma (MST). This is any sexual harassment or sexual assault that occurs while you are in the military. MST can happen to both men and women and can occur during peacetime, training, or war.

Among Veterans who use VA healthcare, about:

• 23 out of 100 women (or 23%) reported sexual assault when in the military.
• 55 out of 100 women (or 55%) and 38 out of 100 men (or 38%) have experienced sexual harassment when in the military.

There are many more male Veterans than there are female Veterans. So, even though military sexual trauma is more common in women Veterans, over half of all Veterans with military sexual trauma are men.

What Are Some Of The PTSD Symptoms of Veterans?

While you can develop symptoms of PTSD in the hours or days following a traumatic event, sometimes symptoms don’t surface for months or even years after you return from deployment. While PTSD develops differently from veteran to veteran, there are four symptom clusters:

Being on guard all the time, jumpy, and emotionally reactive, as indicated by irritability, anger, reckless behavior, difficulty sleeping, trouble concentrating, and hypervigilance.

Recurrent, intrusive reminders of the traumatic event, including distressing thoughts, nightmares, and flashbacks where you feel like the event is happening again. Experiencing extreme emotional and physical reactions to reminders of the trauma such as panic attacks, uncontrollable shaking, and heart palpitations.

Extreme avoidance of things that remind you of the traumatic event, including people, places, thoughts, or situations you associate with the bad memories. Withdrawing from friends and family and losing interest in everyday activities.

Negative changes in your thoughts and mood, such as exaggerated negative beliefs about yourself or the world and persistent feelings of fear, guilt, or shame. Diminished ability to experience positive emotions.

Suicide Prevention For Veterans With PTSD

It’s common for veterans with PTSD to experience suicidal thoughts. Feeling suicidal is not a character defect, and it doesn’t mean that you are crazy, weak, or flawed, it simply means that you are overwhelmed and need some help. If you are feeling suicidal, please seek help immediately. If you don’t feel you can talk to your friends and loved ones, there are a great number of suicide hotlines available that offer free, non-judgemental, confidential counseling. Here are some of the following suicide help lines. You are not alone, no matter how you feel. Things can get better. Please call:

In the US:

• call 911
• Visit the Online National Suicide Helpline
• call 1-800-273-8255

In Canada:

• CALL TOLL FREE 1.833.456.4566 Available 24/7.
• CHAT available 5pm-1am ET 
• Text 45645 Available 5pm-1am E

In the UK and ROI:

• Hotline: +44 (0) 8457 90 90 90 (UK – local rate)
• Hotline: +44 (0) 8457 90 91 92 (UK minicom)
• Hotline: 1850 60 90 90 (ROI – local rate)
• Hotline: 1850 60 90 91 (ROI minicom)
• Website: samaritans.org
• E-mail Helpline: jo@samaritans.org

In Australia, call:

• 13 11 14
• Online Crisis Support Chat
• https://www.lifeline.org.au/get-help/online-services/crisis-chat

Wordwide:

• Visit IASP to find a helpline in your country.
• Visit List of Worldwide Suicide Hotlines Via Wikipedia

Learning To Live With And Heal From PTSD In Veterans:

Step One: Regulate Your Nervous System

PTSD can leave you feeling completely vulnerable and totally helpless. However, you have more control over your nervous system than you may know. When you feel agitated, anxious, or out of control, these tips can help you change your arousal system and calm yourself.

Sensory input: We know that loud noises, certain smells, or the feel of sand in your clothes can instantly transport you back to the combat zone. Sensory input quickly calm you. Everyone responds a bit differently, so experiment to find what works best. Think of your time on deployment: what brought you comfort at the end of the day? Perhaps it was looking at photos of your family? Or listening to a favorite song, or smelling a certain brand of soap? Or maybe petting an animal quickly makes you feel calm?

Mindful breathing: To quickly calm yourself, begin by taking 60 breaths, focusing your attention on each breath. Breathe in, hold for a couple of seconds, breathe out. In with the good air, out with the bad. Count them – it helps your mind to focus on something other than your anxiety.

Reconnect emotionally: If you can react to uncomfortable emotions without becoming overwhelmed, you can make a huge difference in your ability to manage stress, balance your moods, and take back control of your life

Step Two: Move Your Thing

Making time for regular exercise has always been one of the keys to cope for veterans with PTSD. Not only does physical activity help to burn off adrenaline, exercise can release endorphins and improve your mood. And by really focusing on your body and how it feels as you exercise, you can even help your nervous system become “unstuck” and move out of the immobilization stress response.

Exercise that is rhythmic and engages both your arms and legs—such as running, swimming, basketball, or even dancing—works well if you stop feeling your feelings and focus your thoughts upon how your body feels.

Try to notice the sensation of your feet hitting the ground, for example, or the rhythm of your breathing, or the feeling of wind on your skin. Many veterans with PTSD find that sports such as rock climbing, boxing, weight training, and martial arts make it easier to focus on your body movements – obviously, if you don’t, you could get injured. Whatever exercise you choose, try to work out for 30 minutes or more each day—or if it’s easier, three 10-minute spurts of exercise are fine.

One of the great parts of being outside is that pursuing outdoor activities in nature like hiking, camping, mountain biking, rock climbing, whitewater rafting, and skiing can help challenge your sense of vulnerability and help you transition back into civilian life.

Seek out local organizations that offer outdoor recreation or team building opportunities, or, in the U.S., check out Sierra Club Military Outdoors, which provides service members, veterans, and their families with opportunities to get out into nature and get moving.

Step Three: Take Care of Yourself

The symptoms of PTSD in veterans, such as insomnia, anger, concentration problems, and jumpiness, can be hard on your body and eventually take a toll on your overall health. That’s why it’s so important to take care of yourself.

You may be drawn to activities and behaviors that pump up adrenaline, whether it’s caffeine, drugs, violent video games, driving recklessly, or daredevil sports. After being in a combat zone, that’s what feels normal. But if you recognize these urges for what they are, you can make better choices that will calm and care for your body—and your mind.

Relax: Relaxation techniques such as massage, meditation, or yoga can reduce stress, ease the symptoms of anxiety and depression, help you sleep better, and increase feelings of peace and well-being.

Find safe ways to blow off steam: Pound on a punching bag, pummel a pillow, go for a hard run, sing along to loud music, or find a secluded place to scream at the top of your lungs.

Support your body with a healthy diet: Omega-3s play a vital role in emotional health so incorporate foods such as fatty fish, flaxseed, and walnuts into your diet. Limit processed and fried food, sugars, and refined carbs which can exacerbate mood swings and energy fluctuations.

Get plenty of sleep: Sleep deprivation exacerbates anger, irritability, and moodiness. Aim for 7 to 9 hours of quality sleep each night. Develop a relaxing bedtime ritual (listen to calming music, take a hot shower, or read something light and entertaining), turn off screens at least one hour before bedtime, and make your bedroom as dark and quiet as possible.

Avoid alcohol and drugs: It can be tempting to turn to drugs and alcohol to numb painful memories and get to sleep. But substance abuse can make the symptoms of PTSD worse. The same goes for cigarettes. If possible, stop smoking and seek help for drinking and drug problems.

Step Four: Connect With Others

Connecting face-to-face doesn’t have to mean a lot of talking. But for any veteran with PTSD, it’s important to find someone who will listen without judging when you want to talk, or just hang out with you when you don’t. That person may be your significant other, a family member, one of your buddies from the service, or a civilian friend.

Volunteer your time or reach out to someone in need. This is a great way to both connect to others, feel good about yourself, while reclaiming your sense of power.

Join a PTSD support group. Connecting with other veterans facing similar problems can help you feel less isolated and provide useful tips on how to cope with symptoms and work towards recovery.

Connecting with Civilians

You may feel like civilians in your life can’t understand you since they haven’t been in the service or seen the things you have. But people don’t have to have gone through the exact same experiences to relate to painful emotions and be able to offer support. What matters is that the person you’re turning to cares about you, is a good listener, and a source of comfort.

You don’t have to talk about your combat experiences. If you’re not ready to open up about the details of what happened, that’s okay. You can talk about how you feel without going into a blow-by-blow account of events.

Tell the other person what you need or what they can do to help. That could be just sitting with you, listening, or doing something practical. Comfort comes from someone else understanding your emotional experience.

People who care about you want to help. Listening is not a burden for them but a welcome opportunity to help.

If Connecting Is Too Difficult

No matter how close you are to someone, PTSD can mean that you still don’t feel any better after talking. If that describes you, there are ways to help the process along.

Exercise or move. Before chatting with a friend, either exercise or move around. Jump up and down, swing your arms and legs, or just flail around. Your head will feel clearer and you’ll find it easier to connect.

Vocal toning. As strange as it sounds, vocal toning is a great way to open up to social engagement. Find a quiet place before you meet a friend. Sit straight and simply make “mmmm” sounds. Change the pitch and volume until you experience a pleasant vibration in your face.

Step Five: Flashbacks, Nightmares, and Intrusive Thoughts

For veterans with PTSD, flashbacks usually involve visual and auditory memories of combat. It feels as if it’s happening all over again so it’s vital to reassure yourself that the experience is not occurring in the present. Trauma specialists call this “dual awareness.”

Dual awareness is the recognition that there is a difference between your “experiencing self” and your “observing self.” On the one hand, there is your internal emotional reality: you feel as if the trauma is currently happening. On the other hand, you can look to your external environment and recognize that you’re safe. You’re aware that despite what you’re experiencing, the trauma happened in the past. It is not happening now.

State to yourself (out loud or in your head) the reality that while you feel as if the trauma is currently happening, you can look around and recognize that you’re safe.

Use a simple script when you awaken from a nightmare or start to experience a flashback: “I feel [panicked, overwhelmed, etc.] because I’m remembering [traumatic event], but as I look around I can see that the event isn’t happening right now and I’m not in danger.”

Describe what you see when look around (name the place where you are, the current date, and three things you see when you look around).

Try tapping your arms to bring you back to the present.

Tips For Grounding Yourself During A Flashback:

If you’re starting to disassociate or experience a flashback, try using your senses to bring you back to the present and “ground” yourself. Experiment to find what works best for you.

• Sight – Blink rapidly and firmly; look around and take inventory of what you see
• Movement – Move around vigorously (run in place, jump up and down, etc.); rub your hands together; shake your head
• Sound – Turn on loud music; clap your hands or stomp your feet; talk to yourself (tell yourself you’re safe, you’ll be okay)
• Taste – Suck on a strong mint or chew a piece of gum; bite into something tart or spicy; drink a glass of cold water or juice
• Touch – Splash cold water on your face; grip a piece of ice; touch or grab on to a safe object; pinch yourself; play with worry beads or a stress ball
• Smell – Smell something that links you to the present (coffee, mouthwash, your wife’s perfume) or a scent that has good memories

Step Six: Work through survivor’s guilt

Feelings of guilt are very common among veterans with PTSD. You may have seen people injured or killed, often your friends and comrades. In the heat of the moment, you don’t have time to fully process these things as they happen. But later—often when you’ve returned home—these experiences come back to haunt you. You may ask yourself questions such as:

• Why didn’t I get hurt?
• Why did I survive when others didn’t?
• Could I have done something differently to save them?

You may end up blaming yourself for what happened and believing that your actions (or inability to act) led to someone else’s death. You may feel like others deserved to live more than you—that you’re the one who should have died.

This is survivor’s guilt.

Healing from survivor’s guilt:

It’s important to remember that healing doesn’t mean that you’ll forget what happened or those who died. And it doesn’t mean you’ll have no regrets. What it does mean is that you’ll look at your role more realistically.

• Is the amount of responsibility you’re assuming reasonable?
• Could you really have prevented or stopped what happened?
• Are you judging your decisions based on full information about the event, or just your emotions?
• Did you do your best at the time, under challenging circumstances?
• Do you truly believe that if you had died, someone else would have survived?

Honestly assessing your responsibility and role can free you to move on and grieve your losses. Even if you continue to feel some guilt, instead of punishing yourself, you can redirect your energy into honoring those you lost and finding ways to keep their memory alive. For example, you could volunteer for a cause that’s connected in some way to one of the friends you lost. The goal is to put your guilt to positive use and thus transform tragedy, even in a small way, into something worthwhile.

Step Seven: Seek professional treatment

Professional treatment for PTSD can help you confront what happened to you and learn to accept it as a part of your past. Working with an experienced therapist or doctor, treatment may involve:

Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) or counseling. This involves gradually “exposing” yourself to thoughts and feelings that remind you of the event. Therapy also involves identifying distorted and irrational thoughts about the event—and replacing them with more balanced picture.

Medication, such as antidepressants. While medication may help you feel less sad, worried, or on edge, it doesn’t treat the causes of PTSD.

EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing). This incorporates elements of CBT with eye movements or other rhythmic, left-right stimulation such as hand taps or sounds. These can help your nervous system become “unstuck” and move on from the traumatic event.

Effects of PTSD On Relationships:

PTSD can affect how couples get along with each other. It can also affect the mental health of partners. In general, PTSD can have a negative effect on the whole family.

Male Veterans with PTSD are more likely to report the following problems than Veterans without PTSD:

• Marriage or relationship problems
• Parenting problems
• Poor family functioning

Most of the research on PTSD in families has been done with female partners of male Veterans. The same problems can occur, though, when the person with PTSD is female.

Effects on marriage

Compared to Veterans without PTSD, Veterans with PTSD have more marital troubles. They share less of their thoughts and feelings with their partners. They and their spouses also report more worry around intimacy issues. Sexual problems tend to be higher in combat Veterans with PTSD. Lower sexual interest may lead to lower satisfaction within the relationship.

The National Vietnam Veterans Readjustment Study (NVVRS) compared Veterans with PTSD to those without PTSD.

The findings showed that Vietnam Veterans with PTSD:

• Got divorced twice as much
• Were three times more likely to divorce two or more times
• Tended to have shorter relationships

Family violence

Families of Veterans with PTSD experience more physical and verbal aggression. Such families also have more instances of family violence. Violence is committed not just by the males in the family. One research study looked at male Vietnam Veterans and their female partners. The study compared partners of Veterans with PTSD to partners of those without PTSD. Female partners of Veterans with PTSD:

• Committed more family violence than the other female partners
• Committed more family violence than their male Veteran partners with PTSD

Mental health of partners

PTSD can affect the mental health and life satisfaction of a Veteran’s partner. The same research studies on Vietnam Veterans compared partners of Veterans with and without PTSD. The partners of the Vietnam Veterans with PTSD reported:

• Lower levels of happiness
• Less satisfaction in their lives
• More demoralization (discouragement)
• About half have felt “on the verge of a nervous breakdown”

These effects were not limited to females. Male partners of female Veterans with PTSD reported lower well-being and more social isolation.

Partners often say they have a hard time coping with their partner’s PTSD symptoms. Partners feel stress because their own needs are not being met. They also go through physical and emotional violence. One explanation of partners’ problems is secondary traumatization. This refers to the indirect impact of trauma on those close to the survivor. Another explanation is that the partner has gone through trauma just from living with a Veteran who has PTSD. For example, the risk of violence is higher in such families.

Caregiver burden

Partners have a number of challenges when living with a Veteran who has PTSD. Wives of PTSD-diagnosed Veterans tend to take on a bigger share of household tasks such as paying bills or housework. They also do more taking care of children and the extended family. Partners feel that they must take care of the Veteran and attend closely to the Veteran’s problems. Partners are keenly aware of what can trigger symptoms of PTSD. They try hard to lessen the effects of those triggers.

Caregiver burden is one idea used to describe how hard it is caring for someone with an illness such as PTSD. Caregiver burden includes practical problems such as strain on the family finances. Caregiver burden also includes the emotional strain of caring for someone who is ill. In general, the worse the Veteran’s PTSD symptoms, the more severe is the caregiver burden.

Why are these problems so common?

The exact connection between PTSD symptoms and relationship problems is not clearly known. Some symptoms, like anger and negative changes in beliefs and feelings, may lead directly to problems in a marriage. For example, a Veteran who cannot feel love or happiness may have trouble acting in a loving way towards a spouse. Expression of emotions is part of being close to someone else. Not being able to feel your emotions can lead to problems making and keeping close relationships. Numbing can get in the way of intimacy.

Help for partners of Veterans with PTSD

The first step for partners of Veterans with PTSD is to gather information. This helps give you a better understanding of PTSD and its impact on families. Resources on the National Center for PTSD website may be useful.

Some effective strategies for treatment include:

• Education for the whole family about the effects of trauma on survivors and their families
• Support groups for both partners and Veterans
• Individual therapy for both partners and Veterans
• Couples or family counseling

VA has taken note of the research showing the negative impact of PTSD on families. PTSD programs and Vet Centers have begun to offer group, couples, and individual counseling for family members of Veterans.

Overall, the message for partners is that problems are common when living with a Veteran who has been through trauma. The treatment options listed above may be useful to partners as they search for better family relationships and mental health

How PTSD Can Affect The Family:

When a loved one returns from military service with PTSD, it can take a heavy toll on your relationship and family life. You may have to take on a bigger share of household tasks, deal with the frustration of a loved one who won’t open up, or even deal with anger or other disturbing behavior.

Family members may feel hurt, alienated, or discouraged because your loved one has not been able to overcome the effects of the trauma. Family members frequently devote themselves totally to those they care for and, in the process, neglect their own needs.

Sympathy: You may feel sorry for your loved one’s suffering. This may help your loved one know that you sympathize with him or her. However, be careful that you are not treating him or her like a permanently disabled person. With help, he or she can feel better.

Negative feelings PTSD can make someone seem like a different person. If you believe your family member no longer has the traits you loved, it may be hard to feel good about them. The best way to avoid negative feelings is to educate yourself about PTSD. Even if your loved one refuses treatment, you will probably benefit from some support.

Avoidance: Avoidance is one of the symptoms of PTSD. Those with PTSD avoid situations and reminders of their trauma. As a family member, you may be avoiding the same things as your loved one. Or, you may be afraid of his or her reaction to certain cues. One possible solution is to do some social activities, but let your family member stay home if he or she wishes. However, he or she might be so afraid for your safety that you also can’t go out. If so, seek professional help.

Depression This is common among family members when the person with PTSD causes feelings of pain or loss. When PTSD lasts for a long time, you may begin to lose hope that your family will ever “get back to normal.”

Anger and guilt: If you feel responsible for your family member’s happiness, you might feel guilty when you can’t make a difference. You could also be angry if he or she can’t keep a job or drinks too much, or because he or she is angry or irritable. You and your loved one must get past this anger and guilt by understanding that the feelings are no one’s fault.

Health problems: Everyone’s bad habits, such as drinking, smoking, and not exercising, can get worse when trying to cope with their family member’s PTSD symptoms. You may also develop other health problems when you’re constantly worried, angry, or depressed.

Helping a Veteran With PTSD

Social support is extremely important for preventing and helping with PTSD. It is important for family members to take care of themselves; both for their own good and to help the person dealing with PTSD.

Family members may feel hurt, alienated, or discouraged because your loved one has not been able to overcome the effects of the trauma. Family members frequently devote themselves totally to those they care for and, in the process, neglect their own needs.

Social support is extremely important for preventing and helping with PTSD. It is important for family members to take care of themselves; both for their own good and to help the person dealing with PTSD.

Don’t take the symptoms of PTSD personally. If your loved one seems distant, irritable, angry, or closed off, remember that this may not have anything to do with you or your relationship.

Don’t pressure your loved one into talking. Many veterans with PTSD find it difficult to talk about their experiences. Never try to force your loved one to open up but let them know that you’re there if they want to talk. It’s your understanding that provides comfort, not anything you say.

Be patient and understanding. Getting better takes time so be patient with the pace of recovery. Offer support but don’t try to direct your loved one.

Try to anticipate and prepare for PTSD triggers such as certain sounds, sights, or smells. If you are aware of what causes an upsetting reaction, you’ll be in a better position to help your loved one calm down.

Take care of yourself. Letting your loved one’s PTSD dominate your life while ignoring your own needs is a surefire recipe for burnout. Make time for yourself and learn to manage stress. The more calm, relaxed, and focused you are, the better you’ll be able to help your loved one.

Additional PTSD and Veterans Resources:

Real Warriors: A website to support the promotion of psychological health, reduce stigma of psychological health concerns and encourage help seeking behavior for service members, veterans and their families.

VA Caregiver Support website: Support for caregivers and loved ones of veterans who have PTSD.

Call the VA Caregiver Support Line: 1-855-260-3274

Sierra Outdoors Club: Military Outdoors organizes outdoor trips for veterans, other service members and their families, because we know that time spent in nature provides a unique experience to foster mental and physical health, emotional resiliency, and leadership development. For many veterans, spending time in the outdoors can also help ease the transition to civilian life.

VA Peer Support Groups: Peer support groups are led by someone like you who has been through a trauma. Groups often meet in person, but many groups also provide online (Internet) support.

Page last audited 8/2018

Coping With PTSD

by Band Back Together | Aug 10, 2018

What is Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder?

As most of us are aware, mass shootings and violent acts of intolerance have increased in the last few years. While politicians and pundits try, mostly ineffectually, to explain these events, we are left reeling from the rapidity of one horrific nationwide trauma to the next. But we can address how our natural curiosity for more information; the whos, whats, whys and wheres of each incident, is quickly capitalized on by the media as their videos are placed in an endless loop on every news source. They continue with their mantra, “If it bleeds, it leads.” That means violence is attention getting and showing it up close and often gets more viewers which get higher ratings which get more advertiser dollars on those media channels. While a heightened awareness of the violence that plagues our country is important, it can also leave us feeling anxious and depressed.

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (often abbreviated as PTSD) is a severe anxiety disorder that may develop as a result of exposure to a terribly frightening, life-threatening, or otherwise highly unsafe experience (such as a trauma). Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) can have a tremendous impact on a person’s life, and therefore, coping with PTSD in healthy ways is important. The distressing symptoms of PTSD can negatively affect close relationships, mood, and ability to be effective at work or school. The symptoms of PTSD are difficult to cope with, and they often lead people to use more unhealthy ways of coping, such as alcohol or drug use. However, there are a number of ways to develop healthy coping skills.

The event precipitating PTSD may involve the threat of death to oneself or someone else. PTSD may develop after a sexual or physical assault, unexpected death of a loved one, an accident, war, or a natural disaster. Post-traumatic stress disorder is a lasting consequence of such stressful ordeals.

When trauma survivors take direct action to cope with their stress reactions, they put themselves in a position of power. Active coping with the trauma makes you begin to feel less helpless.

• Active coping means accepting the impact of trauma on your life and taking direct action to improve things.
• Active coping occurs even when there is no crisis. Active coping is a way of responding to everyday life. It is a habit that must be made stronger.

Know that recovery is a process, not an event

Following exposure to a trauma most people experience stress reactions. Understand that recovering from the trauma is a process and takes time. Knowing this will help you feel more in control.

• Having an ongoing response to the trauma is normal.
• Recovery is an ongoing, daily process. It happens little by little. It is not a matter of being cured all of a sudden.
• Healing doesn’t mean forgetting traumatic events. It doesn’t mean you will have no pain or bad feelings when thinking about them.
• Healing may mean fewer symptoms and symptoms that bother you less.
• Healing means more confidence that you will be able to cope with your memories and symptoms. You will be better able to manage your feelings

Many people who have experienced such traumatic events will have reactions that include anger, shock, fear, guilt, and anxiety. These reactions are common and dissipate over time.

However, for those living with PTSD, these feelings increase and often become so strong that they prevent the person from living a normal life.

How To Cope With Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder:

Positive coping actions

Certain actions can help to reduce your distressing symptoms and make things better. Plus, these actions can result in changes that last into the future. Here are some positive coping methods:

Learn about trauma and PTSD

For more about PTSD, please visit here.

It is useful for trauma survivors to learn more about common reactions to trauma and about PTSD. Find out what is normal. Find out what the signs are that you may need assistance from others. When you learn that the symptoms of PTSD are common, you realize that you are not alone, weak, or crazy. It helps to know your problems are shared by hundreds of thousands of others. When you seek treatment and begin to understand your response to trauma, you will be better able to cope with the symptoms of PTSD.

Talk to others for support

When survivors talk about their problems with others, something helpful often results. It is important not to isolate yourself. Instead make efforts to be with others. Of course, you must choose your support people with care. You must also ask them clearly for what you need. With support from others, you may feel less alone and more understood. You may also get concrete help with a problem you have.

Practice relaxation methods

Try some different ways to relax, including:

• Muscle relaxation exercises
• Breathing exercises
• Meditation
• Swimming, stretching, yoga
• Prayer
• Listening to quiet music
• Spending time in nature

While relaxation techniques can be helpful, in a few people they can sometimes increase distress at first. This can happen when you focus attention on disturbing physical sensations and you reduce contact with the outside world. Most often, continuing with relaxation in small amounts that you can handle will help reduce negative reactions. You may want to try mixing relaxation in with music, walking, or other activities.

Distract yourself with positive activities

Pleasant recreational or work activities help distract a person from his or her memories and reactions. For example, art has been a way for many trauma survivors to express their feelings in a positive, creative way. Pleasant activities can improve your mood, limit the harm caused by PTSD, and help you rebuild your life.

Talking to your doctor or a counselor about trauma and PTSD

Part of taking care of yourself means using the helping resources around you. If efforts at coping don’t seem to work, you may become fearful or depressed. If your PTSD symptoms don’t begin to go away or get worse over time, it is important to reach out and call a counselor who can help turn things around. Your family doctor can also refer you to a specialist who can treat PTSD. Talk to your doctor about your trauma and your PTSD symptoms. That way, he or she can take care of your health better.

Many with PTSD have found treatment with medicines to be helpful for some symptoms. By taking medicines, some survivors of trauma are able to improve their sleep, anxiety, irritability, and anger. It can also reduce urges to drink or use drugs.

Understand that the body has a memory for stress – so the worry and panic or anxiety may be a natural reaction that we’re programmed for.  The body remembers and acts – reprogramming can take many years.

Remind yourself as often as you need that you don’t have to be a veteran or the victim of a sexual assault to experience PTSD.

Don’t compare your story to another’s. There are no better or worse reasons for developing PTSD – and if someone tries to play a game of the “Pain Olympics,” you don’t need them in your life.

You’re not weak for developing PTSD – it’s a normal reaction to an abnormal and messed-up situation.

Many people who have PTSD also struggle with survivor’s guilt.

Don’t hesitate to tell people what you need from them. Many times, people will become confused by PTSD; unsure of how to behave and act around you. So tell them – if you need help around the house or with errands, ask for help.

Coping With Specific PTSD Symptoms:

PTSD has very specific and very debilitating symptoms. Here are some ways to cope with these symptoms:

Intrusive memories, thoughts or images:

• Remind yourself that they’re just memories.
• Remember that while these can be overwhelming, the reminders often dissipate over time.
• Remind yourself that it’s normal to have memories of the traumatic event.
• Talk about these things with someone that you trust.

Sudden feelings of panic or anxiety:

PTSD often leaves us with our hearts pounding, feeling light-headed or spacey (often caused by quick breathing.) If this is something that happens, remember:

• These reactions aren’t dangerous – you wouldn’t notice if you had them while exercising.
• These feelings may come with scary thoughts, which is what may make them so upsetting. These scary thoughts are not true.
• Try to slow down your breathing.
• These awful sensations will pass.

Difficulty concentrating or focusing:

• Slow down – give yourself time to focus upon what it is you need to do.
• Make “to-do” lists every day.
• Break big tasks into smaller doable chunks.
• Plan a realistic amount of tasks to do in a day.
• You may be suffering depression – if so, talk to your doctor about your symptoms.

Trouble feeling or expressing positive emotions:

• Remind yourself that this is a common reaction to trauma, not something you’re doing on purpose.
• Don’t feel guilty for something you can’t control.
• Continue engaging in activities you like or used to like. Even if you don’t think you’ll enjoy it now, once you get into it, you may find yourself feeling pleasurable feelings.
• Take really small steps to tell your loved ones you care – write a card, leave a gift, send an email, call them to say hi.

Flashbacks:

• Keep your eyes open – look around and see, really see where you are.
• Talk to yourself. Remind yourself that you’re here, that you’re safe. The trauma is long-since over and you are in the present.
• Get up and move around. Take a drink of water or wash your hands. Interrupt the flashbacks with movements.
• Call someone you trust and tell them that you’re experiencing a flashback.

Irritability, anger, and rage:

• Before reacting, take a time out to cool off and think.
• Walk away from the situation.
• Exercise every day – exercise reduces tension and relieves stress.
• Talk to your doctor about your anger.
• Take anger management classes.
• If you blow up at family or friends, find time to talk to them and explain what happened and what you are doing to cope with it.

Nightmares about the trauma:

• If you wake from a nightmare in a panic, remind yourself you’re reacting to a dream. The DREAM is responsible for the panic, not any current danger.
• Get out of bed, regroup, and orient yourself to the present.
• Try a pleasant and calming activity like taking a bath or listening to soothing music.
• If someone is awake, talk to them.
• Tell your doctor that you’re having nightmares.

Difficulty falling – or staying – asleep:

• Keep a regular bedtime schedule and routine.
• Avoid heavy exercise for a few hours before bed.
• Use your bed only for sex and sleeping.
• Don’t use alcohol, tobacco, and caffeine – these hurt your ability to sleep.
• Don’t lie there in bed thinking or worrying. If you can’t sleep, get up and do something quiet like drinking herbal tea, or warm milk. Read a book or do something else quietly.

Recovering from PTSD is a gradual, ongoing process that can take many months or years. The memories of the trauma will never disappear completely, although in time they will become manageable. Here are some ways to cope with residual complications from PTSD.

Remember that recovery is a process, not an event, that happens gradually. Having an ongoing response to stress is normal. Healing doesn’t mean forgetting the event or removing all pain while thinking about the event – healing means learning to cope with the symptoms.

Learning about trauma and PTSD in response to a traumatic event as well as some common signs and symptoms may help you to realize you’re not alone, weak or crazy. It helps to know your problem is something shared by many, many others.

Find a “support partner,” or a “spotter;” a person to willingly and lovingly learn about your PTSD and will support you in whatever way you need.

Sometimes, relaxation techniques can be helpful for people with PTSD. These activities include: muscle relaxation exercises, breathing exercises, meditation, prayer, spending time in nature, yoga, listening to quiet music. In others, however, these may increase distress at first. If that happens, simply try relaxation techniques for smaller periods of time, or mix them with other activities like listening to music or walking.

The urge to pull back and isolate is very strong for many who have PTSD. It’s easy to feel disconnected to everyone around you, withdrawing from loved ones and social activities. It’s very important to have support from others while you recover, so resist the urge to isolate.

Find a support group for people who have experienced similar types of trauma. Being around people who understand what you are going through is priceless when it comes to recovery. It can remind you that you are not alone and provide you with invaluable information and tools for making a recovery from PTSD. If there are no local support groups, try online.

Don’t self-medicate – While you’re struggling with traumatic memories and painful emotions, the urge to use alcohol and drugs to numb your emotions can be overwhelming. It’s a temporary fix. And unfortunately, these substances worsen PTSD in the long run, because they worsen symptoms like emotional numbing, social isolation, anger and depression. If you are self-medicating with drugs or alcohol, it is best to enter a rehab facility to help you deal with your drug or alcohol addiction.

Overcome helplessness – trauma leaves you feeling vulnerable and powerless. It’s easy to forget that you do, in fact, have both coping skills and strengths.

One of the best ways to overcome these feelings is to help other people. Donate time, money, help friends, or take other positive action. Taking positive action directly refutes the feelings of helplessness common in PTSD. We’d love to have you volunteer with us – email becky.harks@gmail.com

How To Help A Loved One Cope With Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder:

Be patient and understanding – Recovery from PTSD takes time – even if a person is actively trying to get better. Be patient with the pace (slow as it may be) and offer a kind ear. Someone with PTSD may need to talk about their trauma over and over – this is part of the healing, and while it can be frustrating to hear, don’t tell your loved one to “move on,” or “stop talking about it.”

Try to prepare for PTSD triggers – many people who have PTSD will have triggers around the anniversary of the trauma, certain sights, sounds, or smells. If you’re aware of what these triggers are, you can offer support and help to calm your loved one.

Be there – sometimes the biggest help for someone who is suffering from PTSD is to have a partner, friend, or other loved one simply be there for them. Do simple favors. Offer unconditional love. Don’t push. Simply be there for them.

Help yourself – if handling the flashbacks, the anxiety, the numbing, and the other PTSD symptoms are too stressful for you, seek help for yourself. No one ever said you had to go through this alone. Seeing a therapist or attending a support group yourself can ease the burden tremendously.

Offer to help your loved one. Suggest bringing over some meals, or asking if they’d like a hand with some things around the house. Some people with PTSD don’t feel as though they can ask for help.

What To Say To Someone With Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder:

“I’m here for you.”

“How can I help?”

“How does PTSD affect you?”

“Can I go to your support group to learn more about PTSD?”

“Let’s do something together – can I come over?”

“You’re not alone and you’re not crazy.”

“You’re not wrong for your feelings.”

How NOT To Help A Loved One With Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder:

PTSD is Not “In Their Head” – being the partner of someone with an invisible illness can be very stressful. You may wonder why they don’t just “get over it.” The thing is – PTSD is a real illness, and your loved one may already feel as though they’re going crazy. Don’t add to it by making your partner feel badly for having these emotions or guilt them for “not getting over it.” It’s not as simple as that.

Don’t pressure – Sometimes, it can be very hard for someone with PTSD to talk about their trauma. For some people, it may make the situation worse. So never, ever force someone into discussing their trauma. Simply let them know that you are there if they’d like to talk.

Don’t take it personally – Some of the more common PTSD symptoms can hurt your feelings. These may include anger, withdrawal, and social isolation. If your loved one seems distant or irritable, remember this probably has nothing to do with you.

Don’t imply that your loved one is being weak or silly for his or her PTSD. It’s embarrassing and shameful enough to admit that you have PTSD – implying that your loved one is weak only intensifies the shame.

Don’t imply that only soldiers have PTSD. Post-traumatic stress disorder can affect anyone, period.

An experience doesn’t have to match your definition of “extreme enough” for it to be PTSD. Don’t downplay the experience to your loved one – it’s unfair and inappropriate.

Don’t become frustrated when your loved one isn’t “over it yet.” It’s not as though someone with PTSD doesn’t want to be better – it’s just not as simple as switching a light on or off.

What NOT To Say To Someone With Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder:

“You’re overreacting.”

“Stop being so dramatic.”

“You’re being weak.”

“Relax and forget about it.”

“It’s just for soldiers – you don’t have PTSD.”

“You’ve been through so much already, how can this possibly have given you PTSD?”

“Aren’t you over it yet?”

“Yeah, well, when So and So’s kid got (insert traumatic event), he/she didn’t get PTSD.”

Have any more tips for coping with PTSD? Email becky.harks@gmail.com