here I am, married, two beautiful kids, one in college, one a sr. in high school. I’m suffering from Psoriatic Arthritis, , my kid is dangerously close to not graduating high school due to two credits! My husband lost his job one week before thanksgiving, along with our health care. I work full time because I don;t have a choice. my health is horrible, all I do is work and sleep. I am not a functioning member of my family.
I am the spine of it all. I am the one who keeps every one upbeat, I’m the fixer.
I’m so depressed that I don’t know whether to shit or turn left. what I do know is that first paragraph is a huge run on sentence and I can’t be bothered to fix it because I’m so tired.
I want to be me again. I hate being this depressed. I want to lose my shit and cry, but I can’t. I have to be the spine.
It’s Giving Tuesday! This day kicks off the charitable giving season to follow-up Black Friday and Cyber Monday with recognition for non-profits who’s budgets are often stretched thin by the end of the year.
The Band strives to provide you a safe, secure place to air your feelings about anything that affects you, from mental illness, to addiction, to loss, to family stress or even happy things going on in your life. To do this we are hosted by AISO.net which is a 100% solar run facility, that in the event of a power malfunction (shit happens) they are able to run completely off-grid for 3 days, which ensures that your stories and profiles don’t go anywhere. In addition, they provide state of the art security services to protect your personal information. Along with this, we have a number of legal fees associated with keeping our non-profit status. This allows us to accept your donations tax free (every cent you give is used to keep The Band running) and gives you a tax deduction each time you donate to us! We have operations costs to ensure that your stories get edited and published in a timely manner. I have to tell you, there’s a few of us on the team that live in very rural areas and keeping our connection to you is very important to us. We consider it a priority to keep The Band staffed as much as possible regardless of internet availability and equipment malfunctions. There are, of course, costs associated with this.
We have 4 volunteers that run this site full-time, along with several others that give their time when they are able. We’ve poured thousands of hours of love into this site to make you feel less alone. We’re humbly asking you to give back to The Band today for #GivingTuesday. If you are able to donate (even a little goes a LONG way) you can do so here. Facebook and Paypal are teaming up today to match $7 million in donations to eligible 501(c)(3)charities! If you’re not able to donate (we totally understand) could you click that link, give it a share and invite your friends and family to donate? If you don’t feel comfortable with that please consider giving us some of your time. We’re always looking for more people for editing, fundraising, social media posting/sharing, and authors!
We love you so much, we literally could not do any of this great work without you all. Thank you so much for being a part of The Band in whatever capacity you are able. Yes, even YOU, THANK YOU!
Buckle up Band, we’re about to take a trip down history lane and learn about how our voting process was put into place and has evolved over time!
Voting Process
According to the Constitution, the President of The United States is elected every 4 years. A candidate must be 35 years of age, a resident within the U.S. for at least 14 years prior to running, and a natural born citizen.
The Presidential election is decided by the Electoral College, which was formed by our founding fathers in 1788.
Electoral College votes are divided among the states: Each state gets two votes for it’s two U.S. Senators. There is also a vote for each of their U.S Representatives, which is dependent upon each state’s population. The Presidential candidate that wins the popular vote in each state gets that state’s Electoral College votes.
In 1789, George Washington was the first president elected using this method of voting. We still use the Electoral College today. The year 2000 was the first Presidential voting cycle in U.S history to be decided by the Supreme Court instead of the Electoral College.
Members of the House of Representatives are elected to 2 year terms. Each state has congressional districts based upon their population reported on the U.S. Census every 10 years. Each state is guaranteed at least one Representative. A candidate for the House of Representatives must be 25 years of age, a citizen of the United States for at least 7 years, and inhabit (have a residence in) the state that they represent.
Members of the Senate are elected to 6 year terms. Candidates for Senate must be 30 years of age, a citizen for at least 9 years, and inhabit the state the represent. Each state has two U.S. Senators who’s terms are staggered, so every 2 years approximately a third of the Senate is up for election.
There are also many local elections for Governors, State Senators, State Representatives, Assembly Members or Delegates, Municipal positions and School Boards. These are all controlled by State Constitutions and vary by State.
History of Political Parties
The founding fathers never intended for America to be partisan, it is never mentioned in the Constitution. In fact it was written in some early Federalist papers that partisanship could lead to dangerous domestic political factions causing conflict and stagnation in our country. However, the first political parties were seen in 1792 with the Federalist party founded by Alexander Hamilton and the Democratic-Republicans (AKA Jeffersonian Republicans) founded by James Madison and Thomas Jefferson. These first two parties made up The First Party System (defined by political alignment, shifts in party beliefs, and ending when the dominant party loses two House election cycles by large margins) and lasted from 1792 to 1824.
The Federalist party was founded on a basis of a centralized banking system, close ties to Britain, a strong central government, and close ties between the government and men of health.The Democratic-Republican party was based on a strong opposition to Hamilton. They did not agree with Hamilton’s financial programs because they believed they would lead to a monarchy. This party was sometimes referred to as “Anti-Federalists” or “Anti-Administration party. They believed in strong state governments and advocated for yeoman farmers.
The Second Party System started in 1828 with the splitting of the Democratic-Republican Party into the Whig Party, led by Henry Clay, and the Democratic Party, led by Andrew Jackson. The Second Party System lasted until 1854.
The Democratic Party was based on opposition to the Bank of the United States and modernizing programs as well as a belief that the President should be more powerful than the other branches of the government.
The Whig Party’s core beliefs advocated for the strength of Congress over the executive branch, as well as modernization and protection of the economy.
In 1854 the Third Party System took over with the founding of the Republican Party (aka. The GOP) comprised mostly of Whigs and Northerners and the Democratic Party which was mainly comprised of conservative white Southerners. It persisted until the 1890’s.
The Republican Party’s had a strong anti-slavery platform as well as believing in modernization and strong social spending.
The Democratic Party ran on a platform of state’s rights and protecting the rights of property holders (ie. slave owners).
The Fourth Party system originated in 1896 and lasted until 1932. It consisted of the same social groups of the Third Party (Democratic and Republican Parties) but the topics debated shifted to regulation of railroads and corporations, child labor and labor unions, women’s suffrage, segregation, and immigration control.
The Fifth Party system emerged with The New Deal in 1933. This was also the time period that The Republican Party turned more Conservative and the Democrats took a turn for more Liberal agendas.
It is debated that a Sixth Party system emerged around the 1960’s around the time of the Vietnam War and the collapse of The New Deal. Some experts disagree and say the Sixth System started in the 90’s with cultural divisions.
Voting Rights
The Constitution did not originally define who was eligible to vote, leaving it up to the states to decide who was eligible. Throughout the Early 1800’s, as each state joined the union they developed their own state constitution dictating who could vote. During this time the voting population was mostly white males property owners.
The Suffrage Movement began with fervor in 1848. Three hundred people attended the very first convention, held in Seneca, New York, for women’s voting rights. At this convention a petition was started calling for federal voting rights for women. The “Declaration of Sentiments” received 100 signatures from 32 males and 68 females.
In 1866 the 14th Amendment was ratified, stating that men over the age of 21 who were legal residents of the United States had the right to vote. Any state preventing these rights were penalized by losing electors in the Electoral College.
In 1868, after many years of fighting by suffragists at the state level and several national conventions for women’s voting rights, the first federal women’s suffrage amendment was introduced into Congress by Senator S.C. Pomeroy of Kansas. This same amendment was proposed by various members of Congress during every session for the next 41 years.
In 1869, the 15th amendment was ratified giving men the right to vote regardless of age, color, or former slave status.
Wyoming becomes the first state allowing women to vote in 1890 with it’s state Constitution. By 1900, Utah, Colorado, and Idaho joined Wyoming allowing women the right to vote in their state Constitutions.
On August 18th, 1920, The 19th Amendment was ratified giving women the right to vote.
The Indian Citizenship Act was enacted in 1924, giving Native Americans federal voting rights. Prior to this, many Native Americans were told they were not legally citizens of the United States, because they were citizens of their tribes according to treaties made from the 1780’s to the 1870’s. According the The Dawes Act of 1887, Native Americans could legally become citizens, thus giving them voting rights, only if they gave up their tribal affiliations.
Chinese Immigrants are given the right to vote with the passing of the Magnuson Act in 1943. This Act, sometimes called the Chinese Exclusion Repeal Act, officially opened U.S. borders to Chinese immigrants for the first time since 1882 when Chinese immigration was banned after many years of resistance against Chinese migrant workers. It allowed those who were here to become naturalized citizens, thus giving them the right to vote. This act was later repealed in 1965, ending restrictions on the number of immigrants allowed, as well as business and property ownership to all Chinese immigrants.
Washington, D.C. residents are granted the right to vote for President in 1961 under the 23rd Amendment, this right was taken away in 1801 when Maryland delegated this part of their state to Congress.
In 1964, the 24th Amendment was passed outlawing poll taxes, which were a ploy used by states to discourage voting by poor people. The next year, The Voting Rights Act is signed by President Lyndon Johnson. This act has been touted as the most effective piece of federal civil rights legislation in the history of the country and was passed in Congress thanks to the American Civil Rights Movement. It federally prohibits racial discrimination in voting and has been amended and added to a number of times to protect the voting rights of all minorities, including Native Americans.
In 1971 the 26th Amendment was passed lowering the voting age from 21 to 18.
We enacted the Uniformed and Overseas Citizen Absentee Voting Act in 1986. It requires all U.S. States, the District of Columbia, Puerto Rico, Guam, American Samoa, and the U.S. Virgin Islands to allow members of the seven Uniformed Services, members of the Merchant Marines, their family members, federally employed U.S. citizens working outside the United States, and private U.S. citizens living abroad to vote via absentee ballot.
That brings up to today! People are currently fighting for voter’s rights and accessibility for the disabled. Homeless people also have a hard time practicing their right to vote because of residency requirements. Felons are not allowed to vote in many states, since the U.S has a much higher proportion of our population in prison (nearly 6 million American, approximately 2.5% of our voting aged population) than any other Western nation, this has led to a very high percentage of Felony Disenfranchisement.
There you have it, Band! Hasn’t this been a fun trip down memory lane?
A wise woman told me to write up my story and tell the hell out of it. So, here I am.
Sometimes, I feel like I have the only kid like mine. My son was diagnosed between 3 and 4. He is one of 3 I have, with special needs. For the time being, I’m focusing on my oldest.
We knew something was not right with him. He threw an 80 lb. mattress across the room at me. How does a 3 year old do that? He never slept. He would have meltdowns and throw things at me. I have gotten black eyes from everything from a book to an army boot to the back of the head.
Thankfully, I had a wonderful doctor tell me how to deal with the meltdowns and those came less and less often. However, he would wander. We had two incredibly scary events where he wandered off when he was 5, but he had angels and off duty police officers watching out for him.
When we got the Autism diagnosis, I knew nothing about Autism. Most people equate it to the movie Rain Man. I had never seen the movie so I had no clue. All I knew was Doug Flutie, an NFL football player, had a cereal that’s proceeds went to autism awareness. The only reason I knew that is because I saw the commercial once while my husband was watching a game. That’s all I knew. Nothing else.
So, the journey was rocky and hard. The first year my husband was stationed in Korea, so he was not around to learn what I did.
I relied on “friends” I thought that I had to help. Instead, I got investigated by CPS (child protective services) for making everything up. The only thing that was founded was that I was stressed. (Gee no idea why???)
My son’s first year in school was horrible. Open classroom and he would have meltdowns. They did not want to deal with him, so 5 out of 5 days he went to school, he was sent home early. I had no idea what I was supposed to be doing or how the school should have been handling him.
Thankfully, the school he was moved to had a wonderful Spec Ed teacher that knew what she was doing, to this day, I will still kiss the ground that she walks on.
He improved and stayed in school. Had messy moods and lack of sleeping so we had to join the medicine bus. So many doctors and specialists, “you should do this” and “don’t do that and this and that.”
The kid is a loving, sweet amazing kid. He has a hard time showing that. He has many co-morbidities along with his autism. ADHD, ODD, Anxiety, depression, hypermobility, OCD, etc.
In our journey with him, we realized he wasn’t like most kids with autism. So many can use an iPad and it’s nothing. A phone and no problem. With my son, he can not tell the difference between reality and what’s on the iPad or phone. We tried. We tried so many times, so he could be like his friends or brothers. But it ultimately turned out so, so, so, so bad.
When he was 11 a child that bullied him at school told him that triple x rated stuff on the internet was bad and if you looked at it you were super special because not everyone’s computer can look at it. Ever since that day, my son has been fixated on it. At 11 he had no idea what it was, just that it was special and not everyone could see it. As he grew into puberty it got worse and worse. I still don’t think he knows exactly what its supposed to mean to a person, because his thinking age is around 10, but he knows its bad, he’s told his therapist it’s bad. He’s tried to look at it on the internet at school.
We had everything on our cable blocked so that he could not watch it or order it and somehow he got around it and we had a $900 bill. (I’m still drinking coffee to cope with that one)
Now he’s in a dark, dark place. He’s obsessed with death. He writes and writes and writes about death scenes. Then he tears them up. He talked to his therapist, but he sees no problem. We can not even let this child watch cop TV shows it’s that bad. Nothing to do with magic, or death.
My husband and I have been watching his behavior as of the last 2-3 months and I’m not liking what I see. Neither does my husband.
His moods are very erratic. One minute he’s happy, the next he’s angry and ready to fight. Then he’s happy. (Note: he has not touched a soul, just has gotten angry with words) These mood changes make me think he’s bipolar. We were warned that he probably was a few years ago. We knew it was coming.
Now we’re questioning the doctor, because my husband and I are so completely and mentally drained from dealing with his moods and trying to keep his brothers from upsetting him. The doctor is trying to tell us that he’s making it all up and that we just have to deal with it. My first thought, no lie, was, “The fuck you mean deal with it? I’ve BEEN living with it! We came to you for help on how to KEEP dealing with it, asshole!” I, of course, did not say that, because I was too tired.
This kid has been in-patient 7, lost count after that, times for being bullied and being suicidal. I’m scared to death something is going to set him off. Granted all sharp instruments are kept under lock and key. We continue to try and understand what is going on, but our son can not tell us because he does not remember the mood swings.
His doctor said, because he does not feel bad for being angry and mean, he is not bipolar. DUDE, he’s autistic, he’s not going to feel bad.
I had 2 major surgeries and he bumped what I had surgery on, I started crying and he didn’t give two craps. That does not mean he’s not bipolar!
It’s hard to keep him busy. He gets bored with puzzles and crosswords and TV, because we have seriously toned down everything that he can watch. I’m just at a loss on where I should go from here. There’s probably a lot I left out of his story, I’m sorry for that.
Here’s another twist on his story. He legit thinks he’s from another dimension. He thinks he is a female from another dimension, that he will leave to find when he is 18 years old. There are artifacts all over the world that he has to collect in order to remain safe in this other dimension. He thinks that the here and now is just temporary. Because of his beliefs with this, he can not watch or read anything that involves fantasy. Because he can not and will not be able to tell the difference between what is real and what is not.
His therapist and I had a long talk today about it. I had to stop from bursting into tears, because I have never heard of another child like mine. I explained that to him and asked what do I do. He said I do what I’m doing… Be mom.
It did not help when he said that in the 13 years that he had been doing what he does, he had never met another kid like my son.
Sometimes, being a mom is rough as hell when it feels like no matter what you do, it’s out of control. You know all those books you read before you have kids? I never read any chapters on Autism or special needs and I sure as hell never read any on how to deal with this kind of life for your child.
I guess I should add that I am dealing with my own depression and anxiety right now. My anxiety is off the charts and my shrink threw me into counseling. Didn’t even ask just threw me in. I also have a chronic illness and it flares up in the form of pain when I’m extremely stressed out, the last 3 months I’ve gotten little relief.
It’s sad to say at this point, I’ll deal with me as it comes. I just want my son to be okay. I know I need to worry about me, too. If he is okay, then I can be okay.
Basically, I’m writing this because I just need to know I’m not alone. I’m so tired. My gut instinct with this kid is never wrong. My gut says he needs help with this anger thing and his doctor is being stupid.
The first time I was molested, I was 6 years old. My step-dad was a controlling, abusive asshole and had been grooming me over the few years he’d been married to my mom. It started as tickling, then moved to a touch here, me touching him there, and everything you can imagine in between.
At 6, I had no idea this wasn’t normal interaction. He was the only dad I knew.
At 8, I knew how to give a blow job, at 10 he was attempting penetration (poorly), at 12 when I got my period, I got worried. A substitute teacher covered a chapter on sexual abuse in health class and I realized that this wasn’t normal at all. I told my mom that afternoon, he moved out that night, I got lots and lots of counseling.
At 14, I was raped by a 21 year old that was my “boyfriend.” We met through a mutual friend, he got me drunk on Everclear and told me if I didn’t let him put it in one hole he was gonna put it in the other, whether I liked it or not.
I thought it was a compelling argument.
I remember he had big speakers under his mattress and he put on something with a shit ton of bass and it made me so nauseous that I spent 20 minutes puking on his back porch. I didn’t tell anyone. In fact, I continued to date him for an additional 6 months.
During that time he fantasized about moving to Alabama (where 14 is the age of consent) getting married and having babies with me. At the end of those 6 months he nearly got arrested for threatening a secretary with bodily harm for not allowing him to bring me flowers to my class… in middle school.
At 15, I walked over to a boy’s house that I had a crush on to “hang out.” We were making out and he got my pants off. I let him know I wasn’t interested in having sex so he decided that putting his belt inside me was a better option? I was known as “belt girl” (probably still am, honestly) for a number of years after that, to our group of mutual friends.
These are of course only the major offenses. I’m not including the literal hundreds of unsolicited dick pics, “accidental” gropings, catcalling, and unwanted sexual advances that occur from randoms quite often.
Why didn’t I report it at the time?
Well it depends on the occurrence. The first time I didn’t know any better, the second time I was in love, the third I was embarrassed and ashamed, the fourth I was terrified of ever seeing him again. I definitely didn’t want a court case. I never filed charges on any of them. Even the long-term ones.
I remember vividly talking to a counselor who warned me of the long court process to press charges against my dad, how it was my decision (AT 12), and whether they should file charges with the DA. Seems like something an adult should’ve decided, no? That stayed with me through all of my assaults. I felt powerless and guilty. I blamed myself for my poor decisions. Surely, I mean, it was my fault, right?
So now PTSD is a real thing I live with every day as a survivor of multiple sexual assaults. The triggers are never expected or convenient. Depression and anxiety go hand-in-hand with that. Once, a psychologist mentioned her surprise that I didn’t have a personality disorder, so there’s that, I suppose?
This is why the #MeToo movement is so vitally important.
The shame, the bureaucracy, the headaches, the guilt, it’s not worth reporting. This is what I’ve been told time and again as a victim. Maybe not in those words, but certainly with that intent. Someone didn’t want the paperwork and i didn’t want the trauma of retelling my story time and time again.
In June of 2017 my daughter was diagnosed with leukemia. She passed away in November. My husband and I have custody of our 11 year old granddaughter. Grieving is taking it’s toll. Last month I was admitted to the hospital for being suicidal.
I think about my daughter all the time. I spent every minute in the hospital with her for 5 months. Telling my granddaughter that her mom was dead was the worst thing I’ve ever had to do. Whenever I go outside for a smoke, I think of my daughter. Whenever I drive the car, it reminds me of the drive to the hospital.
My mind won’t stop thinking suicidal thoughts. My brain constantly hammering me with negative thoughts. I’m hopeless, sad and feel out of my body. I don’t recognize my thoughts or myself. I am so lost. The emptiness is everywhere and I don’t know what to do.
I’ve been treated for depression for years and have had suicidal thoughts the entire time. I spent 2 days in the psych ward. I slept most of the time. I attend an outpatient program and went to a new psychiatrist today. He said my bipolar diagnosis was incorrect and adjusted my medications.
The Democratic-Republican party was based on a strong opposition to Hamilton. They did not agree with Hamilton’s financial programs because they believed they would lead to a monarchy. This party was sometimes referred to as “Anti-Federalists” or “Anti-Administration party. They believed in strong state governments and advocated for 
